Still recovering from a wonderful weekend. Me and my sistahgirlz celebrated the holidays by having a celebration at my house. It took place on Friday and I must say, we had a ball. The last time that we all were together was for my 40th borthday (last year). We painted the town (DC) and left our mark on U St as we bar hopped and partied the night away and ending it at my house for a slumber party. For our 2012 holiday celebration, we had a potluck dinner at my house with drinks, gift exchanges and lots of laughs. I can't begin to explain how much laughter was in my house. All of my girlz are crazy...I mean, some crazier than others (i.e Ladona & Keya) but all of us collectively are a class act. I am so blessed to have these 11 ladies in my life. Not that I dont have any other friends but this group is unique. They are the clique that I can be 100% myself around and each of them know me. All of them have very different personalities but collectively, they all are true friends. My life would be incomplete without them. My girl Keya came down from Philly and I enjoyed our time together. We dont get much time to spend together alone but it was so refreshing to have her at the house for a few days to do things that we dont get a chance to do (shop, go out to eat, talk face-to-face). I was so sad to see her leave. I hope that she will decide to move to Maryland soon so we can see one another more often. The holiday season is here and Christmas is 2 weeks away. I'm excited about it. Nina recognizes that its Jesus birthday but also is excited about Santa Claus. This should be very interesting.

I'm BACK!!!

Everyone has been asking me why I don't blog anymore. No particular reason why but I just haven't had time to do so. When I rediscovered my user name and password to get back into my blog, i realized that's its been over a year(closer to 2) since I've submitted an entry. WOW...that is a long time. With so many changes occurring in my life, I just haven't had the time or desire to write(with the exception of my journal). But now that I'm typing, I think I kinda miss blogging so maybe i will try to commit to at least 1-2 days a week. My life isn't really that interesting(lol) but I'm sure my readers will be interested in what I have to say since they've been asking. So...where do I start...so much to catch up. A number of things have occurred since I last blogged.

My baby girl is now 3 years old and she's growing into such a wonderful little lady. Outside of going through the "terrible threes" she's doing just fine. Developing her personality (which will probably cause her to be punished a lot when she becomes a teenager); her vocabulary increasing with words I wonder if she really knows the meaning at times; she LOVES to sing...not a bad voice for a toddler and she loves to dance too; loves writing(she gets that from me)and likes dress shoes(in her words, church shoes). So I've summed it up and I think I have a lil diva on my hands...that's not too bad considering her mommy is one so...

I'm officially a single woman...not quite on the market but I'm no longer in a relationship. It has its moments...I think I'm enjoying not having to take someone else's feelings & time into consideration but there are times that I miss the perks of having a 'steady' man in my life to cuddle with, go on vacation...just to have around when I want/need a companion. But I also realize that I'm in a selfish mode right now. After approx. six years of being in a relationship that I gave 150% of myself, I realize that its my time to get "me" back. Meaning...
Re-evaluate my life as it pertains to having someone in it, making sure that the demons from my last relationship are erased/put away so I can give the next man a clean slate(and myself of course), start figuring out what my wants & needs are and what I truly desire in a mate.

Figuring out what I want to do when I grow up...I have so many talents but I can't quite put my mind into what I really want to do career-wise. So I'm looking/applying for jobs closer to home so I can be more accessible to Nina. She's getting at that age where her extra-curricular activities are picking up and getting home late is not kicking it.

My hair is finally all natural(100% chemical free). This is the second time that I did this but I think I'm here to stay. Even though I haven't got the nerve to rock my afro, I still love the natural feel of my hair. I've been getting it twisted for over a year now and I'm enjoying it. My goal is to start experimenting with it and doing it myself...I know I can but I just don't have the time. But being natural is the thing to do now. Everyone seems to be on that 'healthy' kick with everything. I'm loving it!

Growing more spiritually and developing a better relationship with God. I never strayed too far but I swear my faith has been challenged but I know that by the grace of God I can do ALL things so with that being said...I'm a better person...much better than I thought I could ever be.

With all of that being said, I'm good(most of the time). I have my days when I'm so overwhelmed with life and everything that comes with it but I continue to pray and push harder. I know its not much to ask but all I want is a peaceful, stress-free & happy life. I know with that comes struggle but I'm up for the challenge just as long as the outcome is great.

Today My Baby Turns "2"

I still can't believe that my baby girl is 2 years old. Where did all the time go...it seems like I just had her. I am so excited about today and I can't wait to see her today and give her the biggest hug & kiss. This morning I just stared at her while she was asleep and just prayed...thanking God for her life, and how he has blessed her with good health and a great personality. She is such a joy to everyone who comes in contact with her and I pray that sweet spirit of hers continues as she grows to be a young lady, teenager and a grown woman.

I will be going to her school today to take cupcakes & juice for snack and then family & close friends will come over this evening for homemade(by yours truly) cake & ice cream. Her birthday party will be Saturday and we're expecting 25-30 kids-wow. Its funny because I always said if I ever had kids I would not make a big deal over birthday parties well...I take that back because her birthday would not be complete without a party.

I can't help but reflect back to 2 years ago. My pregnancy was so filled with uncertainty and complications and 25 weeks into the pregnancy, I gave birth to Nina at 1pd 6ozs. That was the scariest time in my life. I didn't think I was going to make it...I was losing myself...but by the grace of God, many prayers and support from my family & friends...I made it through(and so did Nina). So today is not only her birthday but a celebration of faith and just how good God is to me. He has made this transition to motherhood something that I can speak highly of and enjoy. And although its not easy, I cherish every moment that I have with her because she's a gift from God.

My baby girl is @ and I'm looking forward to many more.

Where is The Love????

Ok...I'm not sure what's going on in the air but, this week, I know of 5 couples that have or are in the process of breaking up. I'm beginning to think that something is really going on. I've heard all the stories of cheating, financial problems, disrespect...people just being down right trifling. As for the women, they're just tired. Tired of not being appreciated and treated with the same care that they're treating the man. As for the men, they feeling like they're not appreciated and tired of the nagging, fussing, etc. I'm just listening...and at times offering my 2 cents(if they ask).

So this leads me to wonder...is being in a relationship even worth the headache. I know that I'm use to being in a relationship. I'm not a lady who likes to date all over the place...I don't like to spread myself thin...I'm all for a relationship(if its a healthy one). I don't mind working towards making something better if I think the end result is going to be worth it. But nowadays, people are just walking away and not looking back. What is that all about?

I hear all the complaints from men about their significant other. They don't cook, don't keep a clean house, bad credit, don't keep themselves up, not optimistic, not a team-player...and I'm like where they do that at??? All those things come with just being a woman and being in relationship. These men out here want to come home to a hot meal and a clean house, they want to be able to know that their woman is going to have their back in a crisis, that he can look at his woman and know that she's trying to be the best that she can at work, in church, with her family etc...most of my circle of friends have all these qualities BUT...we all have experienced the man violating and going outside of the relationship and in this day in time where AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases and need I not mention just crazy azz broads...its better to bounce. My mom always told me that a good run is always better than a bad stand. But I also sympathize for my male friends who are tired of carrying the load or not being appreciated. I have a great circle of male friends who just keep hooking up with some bad chicks...something is wrong with this picture.

With the weather cooling down, one would think that everyone would be trying to find someone to bun up with for the colder months ahead of us, or just the sake of having someone to build with and share the good & bad things of this crazy world but, it doesn't seem like that's happening(at least not with the people I know). So with that said...where is the damn love???

Emotions...

I had planned to post something last week but I was an emotional wreck along with not having much time to do anything. My baby girl started daycare/pre-school last week. Tuesday was her first day and I was excited yet very nervous about the whole transition. I love the school...the staff seems very loving and I love the fact that she will be learning something daily. So...my Ganny takes her to a 2 hour orientation last Friday...the purpose was to drop her off, let her play and let her become familiar with the place she will spending a lot of time. She did well but my grandmother did not. She isn't ready to part with Nina(she's had her since she was six months)but she knows its time for her to interact with other kids daily. Tuesday, her dad & I took her and she didnt cry but she looked very sad...I left that building crying like someone crazy. I planned a variety of things to do so I wouldn't go back and get her. Her teacher said she did well.

The kicker was Tuesday when I dropped her off by myself....she cried, I mean...my baby girl cried so hard. I didn't want to leave her but I had too. Needless to say, I cried from the daycare all the way to DC. I know people on the highway were starring at me like, WTF, but I don't care. My grandmother picked her up that evening and they said she did ok except for naptime. So Wednesday, I took her to school early and she performed...I could hear her crying on my way to the lobby...my heart dropped and I cried again all the way to DC. The people in my office were looking at me all crazy. I mean my eyes were puffy...I wanted to just hire a nanny so she wouldn't have to go to school. All my friends with kids told me that its just a process. I hate to see her upset and I didn't want her to have to go through this but...I know its just a moment.

She ended up finishing out the week on Thursday because she got sick. She started running a fever and we kept her home on Friday. Yesterday, we took her to school and she cried again but not as hard as last week. Her teacher said she did very well and I was so happy to see her playing and interacting when we picked her up yesterday. Her Daddy took her today and he said she cried but not as hard as yesterday so...I got my fingers crossed.

I love being a mommy but its the hardest thing I've had to do. Always having someone to worry about is what breaks me down. But I love my baby girl and I will do anything to make her life better. School is where she needs to be...I want her to excel in everything and I want to provide the best for her. One of my main reasons for living and working as hard as I do is to ensure that I can provide whatever she needs and want. My mother didn't have it so good raising us by herself so I want to be sure Nina never has to go without.

This week I'm doing better. Much prayer, the support from my family & friends always makes things better.

Good Music...Good Feelings

This morning, I pulled out my Ipod and realized that all the music on it is from at least one year ago. I haven't had a chance to download any new music on it plus, I'm just wiping the dust off of it after being in one of my drawers in my home office. I've just had the urge to listen to some music. I normally sleep during my commute but music always puts me in a great mood. When I looked at the menu of albums on my Ipod this morning, there was all of Floetrys music, Jill Scott, Bobby Valentino, Carl Thomas, Jagged Edge...I could go on, but this is what I categorize as good music. None of that mess about screwing my back out, orgies, drug dealing...all the crazy mess that's being played on the radio right now.

I was in a zone this morning while listening to my girl Jilly from Philly. That chick has a way with words that will have you trying to hold back from making a phone call(lol) or even just being in your mental about some things. Each one of her cds creates a different set of emotions in me. When she first came out, I remember being in a crazy situation with this dude...that cd helped me get rid of him real fast(lol)-thanks Jill. The ones that followed was when I was experiencing some real high moments in my life...too much to discuss but her music does it for me. Floetry's music just makes me speechless..I mean, seriously. Me and my girl Ria followed these chicks almost everywhere they were...we were(and still are) some real fans. I hate the fact that they aren't together anymore...they were and still are one of my favorite.

Patience, Forgiveness, Open Mind....

This has been an interesting week...I mean, I'm looking back at a week ago and I would have never thought I would be at such a peaceful place. Prayer definitely changes things and having a spiritual advisor is always good...she has helped me put a lot of things in perspective. Sometimes just having someone who does not have a clue about your situation just sit back and listen to you is refreshing. It has helped me see the big picture in a lot of things that has gone on in my life...not just the present but my past as well. So here I am, in a good place right now. I feel like I can actually smile again, I mean really see the good in all that has transpired. Like a co-worker of mine said, "there are people who are going through and people who are coming out of situations" its just the cycle of life. I'm so happy to say that I'm coming out...going through doesn't work for me(lol).

So him & I sat down and had this very long talk...I mean in depth, cards on the table, feelings on the sleeve, emotions right in front of us...yeah, one of those. It allowed me to not only see what I feel has gone wrong, I actually gave him the floor to express how he felt and I actually listened. I can admit to my wrong doing...its not easy but I have and I know what I've done, I'm not perfect. We both have the same "big picture" and we are going to try our best to make sure we don't destroy what we both have never had in our lives. Our baby girls' well being is very important to the both of us...and our personal issues amongst each other has to be put on the back burner...we love her too much to destroy the opportunity for her to have the best life ever...that simple-wow.

We went to the zoo on Sunday, had lunch at Carmines, went to visit his family and hung at the park so she could play with her cousins. Very nice and simple family outing...very refreshing. I made sure I told him how much I enjoyed our time(working on focusing on the positive and not so much on the negative) and the smile that came on his face was priceless. I mean seriously...he's been so used to me cursing him out, he probably was just happy to hear me say some kind words to him-lol. But I'm putting that behind me and I'm moving on to gaining my peace and tranquility back. It is much needed and I'm embracing it.

Patience, Forgiveness, Open Mind....