"What is Happening to the Black Families?"


Man, this has been a trying couple of months, and just when you think that you can turn to family, u can't. I've heard people say over & over about how family members can sometimes be your worst enemies but, I never thought that I would be able to say "amen" to that but, I'm saying, "Amen, Amen & Amen."
Not only am I dealing with my own personal issues with some of my family members but it seems that everyone around me are having major issues & drama with family members as well. As I talked to an older woman about some of the issues I'm experiencing with my family, she began to share some stories about her family and she summed it up by saying, "I believe that alot of black families are just dysfunctional." WOW-dysfunctional...I would have never thought to use that word to describe my family but...she might be on to something. This year I realized just how important family is and I've come to the realization that family doesn't necessarily mean "the entire family" it could be just your immediate family; mother & father; sisters & brothers, etc...family doesn't have to mean the entire realm of aunts, uncles, distant cousins, etc. I had a family member tell me one day that I treat some of my friends better than my own family members. It kinda hurt my feelings but I thought about it, she was absolutely correct. But, some of my friends are closer to me than some of my family members. I can count on them before I can count on certain family members; they have my back without me worrying abou them trying to assasinate my character so, she was absolutely right. So, I'm left thinking about "what is happening to the black family," what happened to the days when no matter how crazy the world got, u could always count on family. Now it seems that families are breakingup at an alarming rate. BAckstabbing one another, disrespecting one another, not speaking, but as soon as someone dies, than family is left to be there for one another (even if only for a moment). I'm not a phony person and I have a hard time being fake when in actuality, I'm not feeling someone,or I'm just not happy. As this year is closing, I'm beginning to think how I want to start the new year(as far as family is concerned). DO I want to address the issues with family who I really want to disown or do I want to be the bigger person and try to rectify the problems? Then I think, what do I do with those family members who aren't where I am, who wants to continue to keep the drama going, how do I handle them? As the days pass, and more people are telling me about the issues they're experiencing in their family, I always have something to add to it, a new story to tell...some daily/weekly drama that has developed on the home front. But, I believe that this too shall pass & the sun will begin to shine on not only my family, but everyone else's who's experiencing drama in the black family. As my best friend Daryl said, "I must be doing something right, cause the devil is truly busy trying to bring my spirts down" but he can't win, not if I have anything to do with it.

Trapped-n-My-Thoughts

"You Never Know What the Day Might Bring"

Yesterday was one heck of a day for me. I came into work and I did my normal routine of reading the Daily Bread, the Express paper & calling my mother to have our morning conversation. I let her phone ring , only to get her voicemail. So, I called her cellphone thinking she went in to work early(I don't recall her telling me that she had to work early) and she answered. I asked her if she was at work early and she told me that she was just lying down...I thought that was quite strange, but she told me that she would call me back later. I thought, hmn...what's up with her, maybe she's just tired so I left it alone. I went and got some breakfast, began to eat & read my Washington Post and my phone rings...it's my Ganny. The tone of her voice let me know that something was going on, and then she said those infamous words, "please don't panic, but your mother is in the hospital." DON'T PANIC...what?...What's wrong with my mommy I asked. She let me know that mommy didn't want my sister & I to get upset but she was having discomfort in her chest the night before and the hospital wanted to transport her to another hospital(University of Maryland) for a procedure cause after running test, they were afraid that she had a blockage somewhere in her heart. I immediately panicked(the total opposite of what my Ganny told me not to do) and went in mode to get out of DC to get to my mom. After working out a few things & making a few calls, I had 15 minutes to get to Union Station to catch a train back home. I was sweating, shaking, nerves in my stomach, instant headache...it was the worst. Needless to say, I got home within 1 1/2 hours, changed my clothes, went to pick up my Ganny & we were out the door, along with other family members. All I could think was, my mom can't leave me yet, I haven't even had any grandkids for her yet, we got some things that we still need to do together...Lord, I try not to question your work but this is not a good time, I need my Mom. The day seemed to go by so fast and by noon I was able to see my mom & talk to her. I was just relieved to just see her face, kiss her and talk to her. I could tell she was very afraid and that was the thing that saddened me. My mom, always been a strong woman had this look in her eyes that I have never seen...she was scared. Once my sister arrived, we were able to talk to her before she was to have her procedure done. The nurses were looking crazy because they couldn't believe the overwhelming love & support of people who were there to support my mom. I was like, "do this lady not know who she has in this hospital, she has my mom...we're talking VIP here." Mom had her procedure done and we waited for the doctor to come and deliver the prognosis. When he told us that my mom's heart was very healthy and there was no blockage, I was so relieved. And he told us that we could take her home after her recovery, that was even better. So...once again, God is good. I was tired yet so relieved to know my mom was ok. She still needs to find out why her pressure was so high & why she experienced the discomfort but her primary doctor will be on that in a few weeks. So...yesterday, I was drained, very tired, but couldn't get to sleep, just experiencing a variety of emotions but overall, I was ok. You just never know what the day may bring. On a normal Monday, I was set in my every weekday routine and a major interruption took place. I prayed my self to sleep just thanking God for bringing my mother through and most of all for just protecting her. I got in deep thought, just wondering, what would I do without my mother, how would I make it without this woman who I love so-oooo much, who is my best friend, my cheerleader, my everything...I kept thinking over & over. One thing I do know if God chose for the day to go another way, I do know that Mom knows how much I love her(I make sure I tell her), and I make sure that I always respect her as my mother & most of all my friend. I'm very fortunate to have a mother who I can go to about any & everything; someone who I can be at my lowest and she'll still love me; someone who I can just be myself around and except me for all my faults & mistakes. For people who don't have this type of relationship with their mother, they wouldn't understand, they would think I was over-reacting, but you have to have this type of relationship to understand. So today is a new day. I started with my regular weekday routine, the only thing was I didn't call my mom because she was resting from all the drama she experienced yesterday. But I talked to her and she's feeling alot better today and she knows that she has some things that she needs to take care of so we won't have that type of scare again. Although I'm still tired, running off of 3 hours of sleep, just knowing my mom is ok is enough to keep me going.

"Life is Good....I'm Blessed"

Even though I already know, but somedays I have to remind myself on how blessed I am. Today is one of those days. I woke up this morning and although I was running late, I have to first thank God for waking me up this morning and to thank him for blessing me with a job that I can come in late without having someone breathing down my back. I sit back sometimes in awe of all the things that I've overcome and all the things that I've accomplished and all the things that I know that are gonna follow. I'm 34 years old and I'm blessed to be in great health & shape, not on drugs, not an alcoholic and just have myself together. Life wasn't painted to be a pretty picture for me, a child raised by a struggling single mother who raised my sister & I in public housing. People always told her that we would be statistics because she had us so young, but she did the best she could and today is one of those days that I can honestly see that all her hard work has paid off. Although I never really felt the struggle growing up(with the exception of not having the latest clothes as soon as they came out & some other lil things)I know that my mom put in work to make sure that my sister & I would grow up to be everything she wanted to be & more. So today, I'm definately feeling the blessings and everything that I have going on right now is confirmation that "Life is Good". I'm a homeowner, I have a great job, I'm financially comfortable, I have a great love life, I have a wonderful "sistacircle" of friends, I have family who love & adore me and most of all, I have God in my life and he's the one that is responsible for all my blessings. So, today....is one of those days that I can truly say that I'm blessed....

I'm new to the world of blogging, but after reading a few people's blogs, I thought it would be neat to have somewhere to go and release some of the many thoughts that I have. Life can sometimes get so complicated and at times I don't want to talk to anyone so I journal, talk to myself(yep, I sure do) or write poetry. So now, I have a blog...and for u guys who keep asking me "what's on your mind" and I say, "nothing" or "I don't feel like talking", just visit my blog and u might get some answers.