Nice, Rainy & Relaxing Weekend

What a wonderful weekend. The weather was so nasty. It rained for at least 4 days straight and I was so looking forward to doing absolutely nothing. With the exception of having to braid hair Saturday morning and taking Nina to her cousin Chase's b-day party, my weekend was very relaxing. Nina & I stayed in our pj's. Nellie came up early Saturday morning to sit with Nina while I did hair & later that evening, me, Nina & Will chilled. Sunday, I slept in...the rain was sounding too good and I did not want to take Nina out in it. We layed around most of the day until around 5, then we went to Marshalls. The rain cleared up and Nina was being very hyper so I decided to get her out of the house. We ended up going to visit Mommy and ate dinner with her & Biggie. Nikki ended up coming over as well so that was nice seeing everyone at one time. Nina ate mashed potatoes , broccoli & rolls. She was stuffed-lol. Came home, showered, bathed Nina & got ready for work. I will be off on Wednesday because it will be Nina's first birthday. There is no way that I'm was coming to come to work on that day. I'm getting more emotional the closer the day gets. Her birthday party is this weekend and I'm looking forward to that as well. What started out as a small family gathering has turned into a major celebration. Oh well, she deserves it, she's the best!!!

Nina's Christening

This weekend was very nice. My babygirl's christening was on Saturday and it turned out so nice. It was a beautiful ceremony and it turned out better than I ever imagined. The devil tried to ruin my day from the beginning but a few hours later, he was defeated as always. My babygirl being christened was very emotiional for me. From all that she went through in the beginning to now being 100% healthy...I can't do anything but praise God for his marvelous work. So many friends & family came out to witness and like always, I was so grateful. Bishop Coates did an awesome job. He spoke on children and what God's word has to say about children & raising them. He also mentioned Nina representing healing beause of all she went through. It was just awesome. My life has definately been changed, I can just feel it.
Its always alot of work when you have people coming to the house & all, but my girls stepped in and made everything happen. Everyone was happy & full so that always makes me smile. I thank GOD once again for his many blessings. He just continues to bless me over & over & I'm so grateful.

Here I go again...all over the place with my feelings & emotions. I have alot on my mind...alot of decisions to make just not sure how to go about doing them or in what order. Today is Friday and I'm looking forward to the weekend. Nothing concrete on my agenda but just a few things I need to do. I have no clients tomorrow so that menas that Nina & I will get to sleep in-YEAH!!! I love it when her and I can sleep in late and play in the morning.

I'm in the process of trying to find somewhere to take a mini vacation. I'm considering somewhere on a beach not too far. I'm working on getting my finances in complete order and I'm almost there so I son't want to spend too much money. But I do need some time to unwind and kick back. I plan to take Nina with me so we won't be gone to long.

I'm in a real unusual mood once again. I'm living in my head right now...I amaze myself sometimes. I'm praying for a breakthrough on a lot of matters and I know God is going to work it out, its just going to take time. In the meantime, I'm just enjoying life and staying on my toes; watching what's going on over top of me, around me and even below.

I hate when people think they're getting over on me. It really bothers me when people think they have me fooled...silly. I'm such a bright individual and I can detect when something is going on and I'm such a detective...if I'm looking for something, I normally find it with no problem. And strangely, sometimes it just falls in my lap....lol...I keep my eyes & ears open at all times just so I won't be caught slippin.

So today is Friday, I'm remaining focused cause its just in my DNA. I have so many things I'm ready to make happen but I have to be patient(something that's very hard for me).

Rambling.......

Been in 2 meetings already and I've only been at work for a few hours
I want a new job
I like my job but its starting to become a headache
I want to be closer to home
I miss Nina
I love it when I wake up and I get to spend time with Nina before coming to work
Her smiles make my heart jump
My grandmother is the best
I'm so glad she's able to care for Nina while I'm at work
I worry too much
I wish I could hit the lottery and be a stay at home mom
and write books, bake cakes & do whatever the hell I want all day
I hope my mother is having a great time in Atlantic City
I hope she finds a great job once she starts working again
I love my girlfriends
I wish we could spend at least one whole day, once a week together doing whatever
I love being a mommy
One day I want to be a wife(that's how I feel today)
I miss that overwhelming feeling of being in love
Sometimes being in a relationship is too much work
I'm so focused on being Nina's mommy and ensuring she has the best life
I'm working on not letting nonsense consume me
I'm an amazing catch(at least that's what I'm told)
90% of the time I feel so sexy
I love looking at myself
I love my skin tone
I'm glad Nina is a chocolate baby
My sister will find out what she's having next week
I can't wait...I hope its a boy
I'm tickled about us being mommy's
I need to clean my house
I can't find the time to do anything
but I'm ok with it
People who complain all the time blow me
I need my truck washed
Need I mention how much I LOVE my new X5
I hate putting gas in it but I love the ride
I wish I could get Facebook at work
maybe that wouldn't be a good idea cause I wouldn't get any work done
I love having dialogue with men...they give the best advice
Some of my best friends are men...they keep it real with me
Why do they think no one is good enough for me?
But when they talk about themselves, they wouldn't be any good for me either(lol).
I have too many shoes
I wish I could give them all away and start over
I want to repaint some of the rooms in my house
but I would have to hire someone because I hate painting
I'm hungry
I have some leftover Shrimp Fried Rice and I don't really want it
its to nasty outside to go out plus I can't think of anything I really want to eat
Can't wait to go home and see my babygirl
I love her so-ooooo much
I need a vacation
I think I'm going to take a mini one in September even if my funds are tight
who cares, u only live once
I want to wear this new bathing suit I bought last year
I feel like dancing
93.9 is pumpin Biggie
I can picture myself on top of a table grooving
I can't get the picture of the sun setting in Cancun out of my head
I guess that's where I need to be trying to go soon
Nina will be 1 in 3 months
Time is flying now
I enjoy watching her grow
I want to do something
I'm contemplating if its a good idea...lol
I think its a great idea....I think(hahaha)
I'm done...

State of Relationships...

This week has been one hell of a week as it pertains to relationships. At least 3 people I know are going through breakups/seperations from their mates. I just wonder if being in a relationship is even worth the energy sometimes. Putting my own relationship aside, I've been talking to friends who are struggling with starting their life over after a lengthy relationship, friends who are dealing with the shock of finding out their mate was cheating on them, friends who realize that their marriage cannot be salvaged...so many relationships that are in trouble. It leads me to wonder if it is safe to put your all into a person. We all are human and we're going to make mistakes, but to continuosly make the same mistakes over & over is uncalled for.

One of my friends recently found out her ex is getting married to his "jump-off" and that is so disturbing. How do I console a friend after something so tragic...it is very hard. I don't know the right things to say because I'm very angry and I want her to be able to express how she really feels without hearing me curse & tell her how awful the man she still loves is. This is all craziness...

I also have a friend who wants to be in a relationship so bad. She feels like she's missing so much but I always explain to her that its hard work maintaining a relationship. And for her to be grateful that she has this time to get int o herself and wait for God to send her the man he has for her. That's the key, "wait for God" because in this day & time, I wouldn't trust anyone who I didn't feel was sent directly from God.

I'm going to continue this blog later because I'm still fired up and I can go on and on.

Overwhelmingly Blessed

I woke up this morning feeling extremely good but most of all blessed. Not sure why exactly but I know that once I got up, I felt so good. As I began to get ready for work, all I could think about was just how good God is and how he continues to bless me over & over & how I never want to take all that he's done for me for granted. With so much going on in the world & my own personal life, I have so many reasons to be thankful. My life has been good...overall, I have no reason to complain because God has been that good. Not to mention when I wake up to my precious baby girl Nina, I get filled up as if I just had her yesterday. She is EVERYTHING to me and I know God would've never blessed me with her if he had not thought I deserved her. She's my miracle baby and based on what she went through early on, I know that God is a healer, a miracle worker and he answers prayers. Once I dropped her off to my mother, I began to thank him once again because my mother is the best. She doesn't hesitate to be there for me and getting up at 5am in the morning to get Nina without complaining just makes my heart happy. This morning when I called her to let her know we were on our way, she was up & ready to get Nina just so I can get to work early. She is dealing with her own personal issues, especially being laid off but still manages to kick in and be there for my sister & I and every chance I get, I tell her "thank u". Once again, another reason to be so thankful because God didn't have to give me such a compassionate mother. And my Ganny...I get filled up every time I talk about her because she is 72yrs old and she cares for my baby everyday. Its something that she said she couldn't see herself not doing but once again...to be able to come to work and concentrate on providing for myself & Nina and not have to worry about her well-being is nothing short of a blessing. Most people aren't able to see their grandparents living but I have both sets of grandparents and Nina has great-grandparents on both sides.

As I sit here and read about the victims of the Metro crash, my heart is heavy...everyday I'm commuting along with my friends & loved ones and that could've been any of us. Everyday is an honor to be able to wake up and have another chance at life. God provides so many of us the opportunity to become better people and I thank him for opening my eyes to so many things, which has allowed me to appreciate life, treat others better and just be an overall positive person in this crazy world.

So today, I'm overwhelmingly blessed, grateful, thankful, etc...I can't say it enough, God is so good.

I'm so Blessed

Once again, I realize that I'm so blessed. God continues to show me over & over again that he will always look out for me. And even during times when I may not understand why certain things happen, if I just keep still, he'll confirm how great he is. So, I want to give a shout out to the greatest man...GOD...for continuing to send an abundance of blessings my way.

The last 2 weeks has been crazy. I got in a car accident and the man who rear-ended me totaled my car. I was so not prepared to get a new car right now, especially with me just returning back to work. Thank God for great credit and the fact that I kept my car in such good condition because I'm now able to put a nice down payment on the car of my dreams...BMW X5. I've been screaming about this SAV for years and this weekend, I will be picking it up. Not only that, I'm able to have affordable payments so that has eased alot of the stress of me thinking I would be living paycheck-to-paycheck. I also thank God that Nina wasn't with me when the accident occurred and that I wasn't hurt too bad. I was sore for a few days & from time-to-time, I get a little uncomfortable, but overall, I'm good & it could've been worse.

Work is going ok. It just seems like its so much to do now that I'm back to work. Schedules have been working out with getting Nina to Ganny so I can't complain. Will & I have been working well with getting her to & from Ganny and my mother is a big help as well. She was recently laid off but once again, she's able to be around to help out with Nina and now...soon to be my nephew or niece who will be here sometime in December. So many things are going on and God is right in the midst of it all...doing what he does best-BLESSINGS!!!!

Ms. Nina is doing so good. Just growing up so fast, the time is just getting away from us, She's now flipping, grabbing everything, trying to stand up and getting so fat. She loves to eat...and we love feeding her. Being her Mommy is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Everyday that I look at her, I can't help but thank God for blessing Will & I with her. We love her so much. She's changing everyday...and she's so much fun. Will & I are always fighting over her. I hope she knows that she has 2 parents that simply adore her.

Another week is here and once again, I'm looking forward to the weekend. Nowadays, it doesn't seem like there's enough time in the day to do everything I need too so I look forward to the weekends. Once again...I'm so blessed!!!!

ITS FRIDAY!!!!!!!

Yay.....I'm so glad today is Friday. I'm so looking forward to the weekend to do whatever..or maybe nothing. I know that I'll get to spend all my time with Nina, I miss her so much during the week. It always feels like our time is rushed once I pick her up in the evening. My plans for this evening is to get some cleaning done around the house. I feel like I'm neglecting my house but I just don't have the time to stay up on it like I used too.

I've decided to stay at my house for another 3-4 years. I figure I do some improvements/changes to the house and in the next few years, I can buy a bigger home with a big yard so Nina can get a fly swingset. I'm in the process of doing my office over & switching Nina's nursery to the bigger room. Everyone suggested I do that first but I wasn't hearing it, plus I was pregnant and the thought of switching those rooms over was overwhelming. So now I'm going to switch her to the bigger room so she can have more space once she starts getting around & all. I'm kina anxious to get it done now so I can finishing getting the rest of her pictures hung up and have some more room for all her stuff.

Ramblin:
I'm so sleepy; I have 1 more hour before I can go home; I want 2 cookies from Au Bon Pain; I'm praying that my bus is on time today so I can get home at a decent time; my desk is a mess and I think I'm gonna keep it this way until Monday(triflin); my calender for the summer is filling up with so many things to do & places to go; I'm so happy to be able to visit people so they can see Nina; I will be glad when this weather decideds what it really wants to do; I can't wait to hear how Cyrus trip to the zoo went; I love my nephew, he's the sweetest little boy; I'm wondering if I'll get a niece or a nephew this time around; I can't stop yawning; I can't wait to get home; me & Nina's godmother are going to the new Whole Foods 2morrow & I can't wait; I hope it doesn't rain; I got a new purse yesterday & it is so hot; I wanna go shopping but I don't know what I want....TGIF!!!

MY 1st Mother's Day!!!!

This is surreal...I'm a mommy. It all became real when my phone starting ringing at 6am and my Blackberry was going crazy with messages. I was like, WOW...today is about me and not only do I celebrate my mom, I'm celebrated as well. Nina & Will got me the nicest cards and my new washer & dryer will be coming soon-YEAH!!!! My sister & I prepared breakfast for mom & Ganny and then Will, Nina & I went to Georgetown for the day. The weather was beautiful and people were everywhere. We also went to the NAtional HArbor and then we went to visit his mother to give her gifts and let her spend some time with Nina. I wasnt trying to deal with the crowded restaurants but we did get to Stoney River Steakhouse later that evening with no problem. The food was fantastic as usual and I was tired. It was a full day but a very special one.

I thank God for allowing me to be able to be a mommy...its one of the best things I've ever done. I'm also thankful for Will being a great Daddy and being so hands-on helping me to raise Nina. I can't thank him enough for all that he does to make me & Nina's life so sweet. I'm most thankful for the most precious baby, Ms. Nina Nicole. She had to fight so early on in her life and that proves to me that she is truly destined for greatness. I couldn't stop thanking her enough for fighting so hard in her early months...I wouldn't be celebrating Mother's Day if she wasn't such a fighter so she's to be celebrated as well. SO now I'm looking forward to celebrating Father's Day, a holiday that I never celebrated but now I have a reason to do so.

I'm still smiling...it was a good day!!!!

Where Did the Weekend Go????

Its Monday already, I can't believe the weekend is over. I was looking forward to my weekend to spend with Nina and to get some rest...I did both of those things but it just went by so fast. Friday, Mom came over to spend some time with Nina and I did hair. Nina & got to bed around 11ish. Woke up Saturday morning and I held Nina all morning. I missed her this week since I went back to work and I know she's used to having me hold her so, that will be her treat on the weekends. We did absolutely nothing. Nellie came up to visit on Saturday amd my grandmother came over for a few as well. Will came down Saturday afternoon and we jusut chilled. Its funny how we always had something to do but now that Nina is here, chilling in the house is sufficient. Wanted to go to church on Sunday but the nasty weather kept me in. I didn't want to take Nina out in the mess. Watched Cy for Nikki while she went to church and me, Will & Nina laid around for the rest of the day. Did get a chance to wash some clothes, cook dinner & give Nina a bath.

Overall, I didn't do anything this weekend, but that was my plan anyway. I'm back to work for a full week and I'm tired yet thankful to have a job and to be able to live a comfortable lifestyle. Looking forward to my upcoming long weekend & my first Mother's Day. It feels so funny to be saying that I'm a mother but I'm loving it. Don't have any plans for the weekend but I'm looking forward to spending time with Nina and doing whatever it is I want to do.

BACK ON THE GRIND





I'm back to work(3rd day)...things are starting to come full circle. Nina is getting used to being with Ganny and her Dad & I are working well together with getting her to Ganny. This morning her Dad put her ear to the phone so I could talk to her and she was making all kinds of noise everytime I would say something. It made my heart melt to hear her sound so happy this morning. Its so funny picking her up in the evening, she gives me the strangest looks like, 'mommy where have u been'. My grandmother is loving & spoiling her so much so I know I have my hands full.

Yesterday was my second day back to work...not bad at all. Started with a 4:00am wake-up, shower & just as soon as I began to get dressed...who should I hear playing & cooing..Ms. Nina Nicole. I walked over to look at her and she gives me the biggest smile...dimples & all. What a refreshing way to get the day started. I tried to get her to go back to sleep but she wanted to play so...I sat aside 10 minutes to tickle her, play with her feet and give her nose kisses(our lil game we play). She refused to go back to sleep so every room I had to go in to get ready for work, I took her with me. Even while I was cooking my breakfast, I put her in her bouncy seat and she watched me while I cooked. She's the funniest baby. My mom kept her for me until it was time for her to go to Ganny's at 7am. So Nina & I were out of the house at 5am to my mom's where I fed her and rocked her to sleep before I left for work. I was really missing her when I left this morning but...I always tell her that Mommy has to work so I can give her the world when she's able to ask for it(lol).

My first day back to work was so exciting. President Obama came to my job to speak to us and I thought...what an ideal day to return to work. I was able to get very good pictures of him so Nina can have them in her scrapbook. Everyone was happy to see me back to work but most of all to see me happy & smiling & to know that Nina is great. Everyone can't believe that all my baby weight is gone(which wasn't much). I must admit that its refreshing to not have to worry about losing weight(that would just be another thing for me to worry about). Although I'm looking good, I still don't feel 100%. I havent been in the gym for almost a year. My body is used to that 3-4 day workout but I can't find time. So I continue to eat good & walk stairs as much as possible to keep my body tight.

Today, I'm feeling extra blessed. I feel like I'm floating and I know that God and all his blessings have so much to do with it. He has allowed me to grow more spirtually and I'm not taking anything for granted. A friend of mine told me today that I sound different...he said its something about the way I speak that has him excited about hearing what I've been up too. We haven't talked in over 6 mths and I was catching him up on what's been going on with me since the last time we talked. He was amazed at how strong I was/am through the whole ordeal with Nina but he followed with telling me how he always admired the way I carried myself, how I had a ray of "specialness" when he first met me and how he believes that God has big plans for me...hmn.... This grown man told me that I brought tears to his eyes when we talked...very powerful. He is someone who I admire and to hear him speak so highly of me confirmed that...maybe something good is about to happen...I believe it is. I have so many things that I want to do...and I'm going to make it happen, not only for me but for Nina. Everything I do is for a better life for her...she deserves it.

Countdown...

Its almost time for me to return to work. I've been out of work for a total of 6mths. I would love to stay home a little longer but its time for me to get back into the workforce. I'm so blessed to have been able to be home with her. She was in the hospital for 89 days so it was imperative for me to be home with her once she was released. I went to visit her everyday with the exception of one day when I was sick. So Nina is used to having her mommy in her face. Once I brought her home, it was hard because she was so small but the last few months has been so much fun. She's now over 11pds so my baby is a big girl. We've been to the mall, parks, visiting & shopping. I was looking forward to the day that I could take her out and now that time has come.

I'm going through separation anxiety but I'm so blessed to have my grandmother to care for her once I return to work. I'm going to miss being in her face everyday but at least I know she'll be in good hands. She is going to receive so much love and I know that I can relax while I'm away from her during the day.

God is so good..for so many reasons...this whole ordeal has made me a stronger person. I know that God never left me(even when I thought he did) and he was right by my side through this whole ordeal. Things are so much better now...or should I say, things are GREAT!!!! I'm loving being a mommy, its a feeling I can't begin to explain.

Catching Up...

Time has been flying. Its been almost 2 months since Nina has been home and the days are flying. I find myself losing track of time and the days of the week. My life is consumed with taking care of her...a full-time job. I'm not back to work yet and probably won't be going back until May so I'm enjoying spending everyday with Ms. Nina Nicole. She's doing so well. My babygirl is approaching 9pds and that is really great considering she was not quite 4 pds when we brought her home. Her appetite is increasing and she is up every 2 hours wanting to eat-WOW.

My baby shower was 2 weeks ago. It was kinda odd to have a shower now that Nina is here but it was the best. Being a person who doesn't really enjoy showers, mine was very unique. My friends & family did an excellent job and I was very pleased. Friends I haven't seen in years came to celebrate Nina's life and Will & I becoming parents. Nina received so many gifts that I still can't find room to put everything-we are blessed.

Will and I are parents...I think we're doing a great job. Now the attention has come back on us...where we stand...where we want to go as far as our relationship. Its hard being a parent and working on a relationship at the same time. I don't know where to draw the line. I know that we have to be in one another's lives for the sake of Nina, but what happens when we don't get along? We cant be selfish towards one another anymore, no more mini-breakups or stop talking for days...we have a child now so we have to be in one anothers lives. I love being a family with him but our lives have really changed and we both have recognized that we have a precious gift given to us from God that we must protect and for that reason, we must always respect one another no matter what.

The economy is out of control. Money is tight but I can say that I'm blessed. God has provided me the opportunity to be home with Nina for a few months. Its such a blessing when everything is costing $$ and I'm not getting paid. God is so good. I don't stress when bills come in because I know they're going to be paid. As long as the mortgage is paid, along with all the utilities and Nina is taken care of..anything else is extra.

Overall, life is good. I'm feeling real good about my life. I'm a mommy and I'm loving it. Nina is a great baby & she brings me so much joy. She has the best Daddy in the world who not only helps me raise her but loves her so much. I have a wonderful family who helps me with Nina and supports me along with my group of friends who are the best aunties & uncles in the world to Nina. I'm so blessed.

My Life is Changing...



My life has officially changed...Ms.Nina Nicole has been home for over a week and I'm in full mommy mode. Sleep...I can now look back on the days when I took it for granted...now I wish I could get some. I'm enjoying taking care of her...she is so much fun yet so much work. Feedings, diaper changing, Dr. appts...I could go on & on. Thank God for her father cause he really is on his job. I try to tell him as often as possible how much I appreciate him...he is definitely a great Dad. The 2 of us work well together as it pertains to Nina. We both have realized that having time to ourselves or just going out of town anytime we want is over...for right now. Just trying to watch a movie is a major task nowadays. But all for the love of Nina, she needs all of our attention and she gets it.

Everyone keeps telling me that time goes by really fast so cherish these days. I am. Each day with her is a blessing and I thank God for her. Most of all, I'm thankful that I'm able to be home with her and not have to be in a hurry to return to work. I need this time with her because I missed out on so much in the beginning when she was in the hospital. As the weather starts to get a little better, I'm looking forward to the spring so her & I can get out more. This weather right now is too germ infested and I refuse to take her out unless its to go to the Dr. Motherhood is definately a job, I'm enjoying it so far.

Baby Girl Nina



Baby girl came home today...I was anxious, nervous, excited...a whole lot of emotions going on. I'm sitting here watching her sleep...she looks so peaceful. I love her so-ooo much and I pray that God will cover her and allow her to become a great person. She's had to go through so much so early so everyone keeps telling me she's destined for greatness...I believe it. I'm looking forward to this journey of parenthood...I think I'm going to do just fine. I feel such a calm right now that everything is going to be ok, its just the "first mother" jitters that I hear all women experience.

Confession...I'm Afraid




I've been dealing with so many emotions the last few days and one of the things that I'm really trying to come to grips with is...being a parent. Now that Nina is here, I feel so overwhelmed. Not because she's a preemie but just the thought of being a good parent to her frightens me. I normally don't second guess myself but for some strange reason, I'm afraid that I'm not going to do well. I'm good under pressure and I do some of my best work when my back is against the wall but lately, I've been dealing with the fear of not doing a good job as a mother. I know I love her and I know that I have so much love to give her but I know that's not enough. I've always only had to think about myself, now I have Nina to think about. Before she came, I never worried about money, now all I can think about is if I'm going to have enough money to support her. I never worried about time and now it seems like there's not enough hours in the day to do what I need to do and be there for her. Its just crazy. I'm not sure if all new mothers go through this but I feel so embarrassed about this whole ordeal. I shouldn't be afraid...but I am. I know that God would have never blessed me with a child if he didn't think I was capable...but I have to confess, becoming a parent is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Expecting the Best.....

One of my best girlfriends(Keya) sent me an email, the title was, "A Wonderful Reminder from January 2008". The subject was, Expect Good Things by Joel Osteen. The email came right on time and I decided to keep it in my phone for those days when I need to be reminded of how blessed & fortunate I am. Some of the content that stuck with me was:

"God will meet you at the level of your expectations, if you expect little, you're going to receive little."

"Pay attention to what you're thinking about and make the choice to believe God for good things."

"When you go out each day, imagine there are blessings, favor, increase and promotion in your path."

"Stand strong when trouble comes, knowing that the best days are ahead."

"Expect goodness and mercy to chase you down; learn to raise your level of expectancy and instead of expecting the worst, expect the best.

"Make the choice to start each day expecting blessing, increase and favor and you'll see God do greater things."

And my favorite of them all: "Start confessing everyday that something good is going to happen to me today."

This email has helped me...I mean, it really has helped me to remain focused when things get rough. So I decided that I want to live my life based on the things from this powerful word. Each day as I always do, I thank God for allowing me another opportunity to be living. I thank him for my baby girl, Will, my family & friends and all the many blessings. I've now incorporated confessing that something good is going to happen...no matter what else goes on throughout my day, I'm believing that something good is going to happen. I believe that with this way of thinking, God will begin to allow me to see things clearer and have a better understanding of everything that is going on around me. Regardless of what may take lace, I'm trusting that if I expect good things to happen, they will.

I'm blessed...I know I am...God continues to remind me that he's never going to put more on me than I can handle. Even when things get tough, he always seems to calm my spirit...I know that its his spirit that keeps me. These past few days have been tough. Sometimes I lose track of time, the day of the week...I'm just living in the moment. I want to get back on track when i feel like I have it together. The past few months have been a journey and everyone seems to be concerned about me. I know that everyone is so used to me being so strong and have things all together, but that's not the case right now. Again, I know God is in control and I know he knows exactly what he's doing...I try not to question his work.

I never knew that I could love so much...so hard... This little girl is everything to me, I love her so much. I never imagined that becoming a parent could be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm being tested..I want to pass...I'm trying to be patient because I know there's a reason for me going through this experience. I can't quite put my finger on it yet, but I know it will be revealed. I've never cried, prayed or stressed so much in my entire life. THis is so different for me; actually, everything about me and my life has been different since I became pregnant back in May. My reason for living changed the day I found out I was with child. Everything was done in the best interest of the baby, and now she's here and my life has done a complete turn around.

2009 is Here!!!!!!





The New Year is here...came & went so fast. So much happened in 2008, but a new year is here and I'm ready!!! My baby girl came home for a few days but we had to take her back to the hospital for a few days, but all is well. She's growing to be such a big girl and we're so proud of her. Becoming a mother is so overwhelming...one of the hardest tasks I've ever had to do but I know that God is going to see me through. I had Nina home with me for 2 days I got no sleep at all(lol). Was nervous about her sleeping and was even more nervous when she was awake...I guess that's how its going to be for a while. THis is all new to me. Once she comes back home, I'm ready...for whatever. I already know that it won't be easy and my sleep will be limited, but thank God that I can stay at home with her for a while. I love her so much..each day she's doing something different and showing me that she is a big girl.

This year is starting off ok. Trying to get my house in order and looking forward to growing more spiritually. My relationship with God has definately grown this year. I've truly needed him more than ever this year(especially the last few months). I want so much for this year to be a year of growth. I have so many things that I want & need to happen and I know that God is going to see me through. I want to enjoy life and not just live each day because its necessary. I want to have a purpose, reasons to want to go the extra mile, strength to push further to make things happen...I want it all. I want 2009 to be the year that I can say, "I Did It" and that pertains to whatever it is I want to do. I want to be the best mother...I want to publish a book...I want to truly decide on a career...I want to get closer to God...I want to be a better friend...I want to be financially secure...I want to be healthy...I want to be a positive thinker...I want to reach for the stars.....I want it all. No resolutions here for 2009...I just want to go for it and be able to make it happen.