Emotional, Overwhelmed, but Trying to Keep it Together
Over the last few weeks, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm home recovering from having my baby and trying to get myself together physically & emotionally. Everyday, I'm at the hospital visiting my baby girl. Its still hard to see her so small but it always gives me great hope when I see her fighting. I love her so much. The life of a preemie parent is a new experience for me and probably one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. I bought a book to help me understand this cycle as well as the terminology used in the NICU by the nurses. I've had the opportunity to talk with some wonderful people who have gone through this same experience and its refreshing to hear them tell me that this is just a moment in time and one day I'll be able to look back and see how I was able to make it through this rough time. Time seems to be moving so slow, I wish I could just fast forward and I could have my baby girl home with me, but I know that this is a process and I must be patient.
I've also wondered why God chose me for this particular situation. I don't normally like to question him but I can't help but to wonder, Why Me? Maybe he feels that I can handle it or maybe he's preparing me to be a support for someone else who will have to go through this as well, I don't know. But, I've been praying like never before because somedays, I really feel like I'm losing it. Today marks 3 weeks that my baby girl was born. I remember the day like it was yesterday. Its still hard to believe that I'm a Mom and this experience has opened my eyes to how much responsibility it is to being a parent. Nina is everything to me. She's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I just pray that God continues to strengthen Nina and help her to keep fighting and to help me deal with my emotions and become stronger.
