CHRISTMAS..What a wonderful Surprise!!!





Christmas was wonderful. In spite of Nina being in the hospital, it turned out very well. It started with me being a little down on Xmas Eve; just hated that I had to spend another holiday with out baby girl but I got myself together. Xmas morning started with the family tradition of breakfast. When Will & arrived at my aunts, I noticed my mom had a shirt on with what I thought was Nina's face...and it was. Once I started to look around, I noticed the WHOLE family with shirts with Nina's face. When I say the whole family, that included the babies & all. I lost it...I was already emotional but I broke all the way down. I thought it was the sweetest thing they could've done-I totally didn't expect it. They wanted to make sure that Nina was with us so seeing her face everywhere I turned was incredible. It made for a better morning because I was very emotional.

I love my family and in spite of our differences, we always come together to support one another. I will never forget what they did for us and when Nina gets older, I will tell her about what her family did for her 1st Christmas. Once breakfast was over, we went to see baby girl. She looked so cute in her red sleeper & Santa hat. I was so-ooo excited to see her(as always). We spent the remainder of the evening with her and then went to my grandmothers for some food & fun. My lil cousins are so funny. I can't help but reflect back to when they were babies and now they're all teenagers/young adults.

Christmas is over...now the New Year is fast approaching. I have so much to be thankful for. Its been a rough year...alot of lessons learned in 2008 and I'm looking forward to 2009. I'm a mommy now of a beautiful, strong & healthy little girl and that's one of the things I'm most happy about and the fact that she may be coming home with me real soon is even better. As I always say, God is so good and if I ever trusted him before, I definitely trust him now. His power is remarkable and I plan to continue to praise him all my life...he is so good. 2009...here I come!!!

CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE.......

Xmas is 2 days away...I really can't believe it. I guess I can say I'm ready, I've done all the shopping that I'm going to do and it wasn't much. I'm just looking forward to some time off, chilling with the family, eating some good food and celebrating Nina's first Xmas. I'm trying to get myself built up so I won't be too emotional not having her with me on Xmas. I know she's doing well and that she will be home soon enough. The NICU is having a brunch for the families of the baby's who will be in the hospital for the holidays; I thought that was very nice so I made sure I changed my day off to be there. I think it will be nice to be able to chat with some of the folks who are going through what I'm going through or have been down this road before. What brings me great joy is that I know my baby girl time is winding down and she's getting closer to coming home. She's impressing the folks at the hospital...way ahead of her lil' time. She's a fighter(her Dad says she gets that from him)and she is proving that to us everyday. So with the holidays fast approaching, I'm so blessed for so many reasons. All the superficial stuff doesn't even matter anymore.

POWERFUL QUOTE

This morning, I came across this quote while reading my morning inspiration booklet, and I had to post it...

"A miracle needs no explanation to those who believe in God; to those who don't, no explanantion is enough."

This confirms what I've been thinking all along, especially lately. So many miracles have been unfolding right in front of my very eyes and I know its the work of God. Sometimes when I try to explain myself, I become speechless because I become overwhelmed...God is amazing!!!

First Day Back

I made it...my first day back to work after being off for 8 weeks. It wasn't too bad getting up, driving to the bus stop or getting back in the swing of things but once I thought about being so far away from Nina, I lost it. Out of nowhere, I began to cry...I was missing her...concerned that if anything happened to her I was all the way in DC and I couldn't just jump in my car and get to her. Oh my goodnes...it just hit me out of nowhere and I began to cry like crazy. I got myself together after talking to mom and she explained to me that all mother's go through a series of emotions when they have to leave their child & go back to work. And it doesn't stop there, I got the rest of Nina's life to be worried about her: first day of school, prom, college...I'm just getting started. The more people kept asking about her, the more anxious I got about getting off from work & getting to her.

Once I got on the bus, all I could think about is getting Nina and kissing her. I literally ran to her room when I got to the hospital and what was even funnier was as I was driving to the hospital to see her, so was her Daddy. I guess he was missing her too. When I got to her room, she immedidately opened her eyes and began smiling & kicking...she missed me too. Since I've been on maternity leave, shes used to me coming to the hospital and spending hours with her. Today was a bit different because I only had 1 1/2 hours to hold her before I had to get home and get ready for work. I'm already anxious about seeinig her tomorrow. I can't wait to be able to have her home with me. She is going to get so many hugs & kisses. So tomorrow, its back to the drawing board. I will be going back in the office tomorrow and hopefully I can get some much needed work done. But what I'm most looking forward to is seeing my baby girl when I get off.

Back to the Basics...

Tomorrow, I return to work from being off for 8 weeks on maternity leave. It feels kinda strange returning to work knowing that I will be going back out on maternity leave as soon as Nina comes home. I'm restless...I'm so used to going to bed late and now I have to make myself go to bed so I can get up. The crazy thing is, since I've been home on maternity leave, I'm up every 3 hours pumping...so that whole 'get your rest before the baby comes home' really doesn't apply to me because I'm up already. I'm trying not to focus on how different my days are going to be...bringing my breast pump to work & having to pump 3 times while at work; having to go see my baby girl after I get off(I don't mind) and making sure I spend some time with her; trying to get home and get into the routine of being on a schedule...its all so overwhelming to thnk about but I know I'm going to be ok.

Time is Flying....Xmas is almost here



Oh my goodness, Christmas is almost here. Everytime I walk in the stores I'm constantly reminded of the fact that time is flying. Of course, in some instances, time is moving very slow for me but, I can't believe that its only 14 days til Xmas. I'm not doing all the shopping & stuff that I normally do. I had already planned not to when I was pregnant & now that Nina is here, I'm too consumed to do alot of shopping plus, with a new baby...money is tight. But it doesn't matter, I have the best Xmas gift I could ever want, and that's my baby girl. Even though she won't be home for her first Xmas, the fact that she's here is all that matters.

Today was a Good Day

Like any ordinary day, I go and spend some time with my baby girl. Normally, I sit and talk to her, sing to her and at the end of my vist, I always pray for her. Lately, she's been so alert...I walk in her room and her eyes are wide open looking around. Now that she's beginning to be up more, its harder for me to leave her because I think she recognizes that I'm leaving her once again & it saddens my heart.

Today was a happy/emotional day. Nina's nurse suggested that I give her a bath...not a wipe down, but a bath. I was a nervous wreck. Being that she's still small, I wasn't sure how it was going to work but, it did. Simple things like washing her face, hair & her little feet made me all tickly...I was super excited. She cried for a minute because she had to get used to being in the water but she began to relax and enjoy her bath. The nurse thought that it would be nice for me to experience bathing her because not only would it be another way of us bonding but, I will in fact have to get used to bathing her once she comes home.

I also got the opportunity to feed her(nurse) for the first time. It was so...I can't put it in words. Just to be able to give my baby something that nobody else could give her just confirmed just how happy I am to be her mommy. Her nurse was really excited on how well Nina did with bathng & nursing...she's becoming to be such a big girl. Its still a rough road being the parent of a preemie but each day is getting a little easier. Its so funny, nothing else really matters right now...just being there for Nina is what makes me smile.

Oh boy, my life has changed so much...never expected to feel the way I'm feeling, but its great. I've had to grow up really fast and even though Nina is not at home with me, I feel the load of being a parent already.

My Baby Girl is the BEST!!!

I am so proud of my baby girl. She is just fighting...and I'm so happy. I just spoke with her nurse and she told me that my Nina has graduated to more feedings, less oxygen and gained more grams. WAY TO GO NINA!!! It always makes my heart happy to get good reports. Everyday is still a struggle for me. I'm always wondering if she's ok and if she's going to be ok. I make sure that I ask so many questions when I talk to her nurses and they really appreciate it when I do. So its been 47 days since Nina's been born and she's now 2pds 5 ozs. She's filling in so much. I remember when I could hold her with one hand, nowadays, I'm holding her with both hands. She's is so adorable...I love her so much. Nina Nicole, you are the BEST, Mommy loves you so much!!!!

I Love My Baby Girl Nina!!!

Being a mother is new for me. Some days I still can't believe that she's here. When I visit her, I just stare at her in amazement...she's mine...and God has blessed me with such a beautiful little girl. When I hold her, I just can't stop kissing her, smelling, squeezing and staring at her. She's everything to me. Each day she's progressing...growing into a big girl(all 2 pounds of her). This road of being a preemie parent isn't easy, but in the last few weeks it has gotten better. My baby girl is tolerating her feedings, doing well with her breathing, all her bodily functions are working...she's just doing so well. Me & her Daddy can't wait for her to come home and all my friends & family are anxiously awaiting for her to get the opportunity to spoil her. I thank God for my precious Nina....I love her so much.

Giving Thanks

With so much going on in the last few months, I'm still able to give thanks for everything that God has blessed me with. And even though some days are a little rough, I'm still able to reflect on the many blessings and all I can say is "thanks" because God is so good. With the holidays here, I haven't been truly in the greatest mood due to the fact that I'm dealing with not having my baby girl home with me. But, I think about how she's here, breathing, growing & progressing and all I can do is be thankful for her. She's in the best place right now, getting the best care and all I can do is be grateful.

On Thanksgiving, I was able to enjoy myself a little. I went to visit some family and then Will & I went to spend some time with our baby girl. It amazes me how she recognizes us as soon as we enter her room. It makes my heart so happy when she kicks and smiles for me when I say her name, or how she struggles to keep her eyes open and grabs the tip of Will's finger when he talks to her. These little things are very big to us and I'm forever thankful for God picking her just for me.

My life is starting to get back to normal. I'm feeling more like myself lately instead of a crazy woman. I've been able to take care of some business, get the house cleaned and even start doing some of the things I love like baking. In the next ew weeks I'll be returning to work until Nina is able to come home. I truly miss being productive but I know that I needed to be home to heal.

So many reasons to be thankful...so many reasons to smile...so many reasons to give God the praise...so many reasons to live...

Things are Getting Better



My baby girl is doing better. The beginning of the week was a struggle for her but she's still fighting. The last few days, she's been doing better on her feedings, breathing and she's even gained a few ounces. I love her so-ooo much...I'm routing for her and I know so many others are as well. Keep up the good work my precious Nina Nicole....Mommy loves you so much!!!!!

Emotional, Overwhelmed, but Trying to Keep it Together


Over the last few weeks, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm home recovering from having my baby and trying to get myself together physically & emotionally. Everyday, I'm at the hospital visiting my baby girl. Its still hard to see her so small but it always gives me great hope when I see her fighting. I love her so much. The life of a preemie parent is a new experience for me and probably one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. I bought a book to help me understand this cycle as well as the terminology used in the NICU by the nurses. I've had the opportunity to talk with some wonderful people who have gone through this same experience and its refreshing to hear them tell me that this is just a moment in time and one day I'll be able to look back and see how I was able to make it through this rough time. Time seems to be moving so slow, I wish I could just fast forward and I could have my baby girl home with me, but I know that this is a process and I must be patient.

I've also wondered why God chose me for this particular situation. I don't normally like to question him but I can't help but to wonder, Why Me? Maybe he feels that I can handle it or maybe he's preparing me to be a support for someone else who will have to go through this as well, I don't know. But, I've been praying like never before because somedays, I really feel like I'm losing it. Today marks 3 weeks that my baby girl was born. I remember the day like it was yesterday. Its still hard to believe that I'm a Mom and this experience has opened my eyes to how much responsibility it is to being a parent. Nina is everything to me. She's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I just pray that God continues to strengthen Nina and help her to keep fighting and to help me deal with my emotions and become stronger.

MY BABY IS HERE!!!

On Tuesday, October 21st, I delivered my baby girl, Nina Nicole Brewster. She arrived at 5:35am by emergency C-Section and she came 3 months early. She weighed
1pd/6ozs & 11 1/2 inches long. I didn't expect her to arrive so soon but for some reason, she decided that she needed to arrive early. The whole ordeal has me emotionally drained but I'm grateful that God allowed her to make it. Now, she's fighting to grow stronger & healthier so I can bring her home. The Dr.s estimate that she will be under the care of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for at least 2 months and although I wish I could bring her home with me, I know she's in the best place, getting the best care. Everyday that I visit her is hard because I hate to leave her. I know she knows that I love her and she makes it known when she squeezes my finger. I never thought that I would be so in love with someone...I knew I loved her the first time I laid eyes on her. Its amazing to feel so much love for someone.
I hear that for the next 2 months, I will be on an emotional rollercoaster. Preemies have a way of having really good periods and they're usually followed by several setbacks. I've always felt that I was a pretty strong woman but I feel like I'm breaking down, but I have to constantly remind myself that Nina needs me and I know she feeds off of my strength so I have to be strong for her. But its so hard. I know that God can do anything and I'm trusting in him to help me to be strong, patient, optimistic & confident and I'm trusting in him to help my baby girl to continue to fight.
This whole experience has humbled me to know end. It also has confirmed that no matter how much you plan, things are going to go the way that God wants them to go. I still don't understand why God has chose me to go through this experience, but I'm assuming that he feels that I can handle it. There are so many prayers going up for Nina. Everyday someone is calling me to let me know that they're praying for both Nina & I and I'm very thankful. Ms. Nina Nicole is my everything...everything I do from here on out is to make a better life for her. She deserves the best and I know that God chose her just for me. And even though during this time I feel like I'm going crazy, I thank God for all his blessings, especially my precious baby Nina.

TGIF!!!!!!!

Today is the end of a very long week. It always seems that when a holiday falls on a Monday, it takes forever for Friday to get here. I'm ecstatic about the weekend, and even though I really don't have anything to do, just knowing that I can sleep in tomorrow and Sunday if I want too is alright with me.

The weather is cooling off and its suppose to be kinda chilly this weekend(my type of weather) so I'm looking forward to opening my doors and letting some fresh air blow through the house. My sister and I are going to try and get rid of some unnecessary things I have in my spare room and I know she's looking forward to leaving with a bag full of clothes. My sis & I are very close, but now that she has a niece/nephew coming, we have been spending alot of time together and I'm luvin it.

I think I'm in the mood for cooking & baking this weekend so I may make main man his lasagna he's been asking for and even bake a cake or 2. I don't know where all this energy is coming from, but I'm going to embrace it. I'm looking for another good book to read so I'll probably go to the bookstore and I plan to just kick back for the most part this weekend. I'm off on Monday and I have 2 Dr.s appointments so that means my day off will be pretty full. Anyway, Friday is here, my day here at work is almost over and I'm happy(: TGIF!!!!!!

The Debate....I'm so ready for Nov. 4th

Last night I made sure I stayed up to watch the debate and I'm not sure if I'm feeling frustrated or optimistic. The last debate made me really upset...all the attacks being thrown and not dealing with the issues just made me turn the TV halfway through it. But this time I decided to give it another shot, being that it was the last debate before the election. If I ever thought before, I believe that this whole election is turning into a race war on both sides. There are people who are voting for McCain just because they don't want a black man in office. They haven't taken the time to listen to what his plans for this country is, they just know they don't want a black man in the White House. Now, they're are people who are voting for Obama solely on him being a black man. They feel that just because his skin looks just like theirs, that no matter what his plans for the country is, they're going to vote for him. I believe that people should vote for the person who's going to give them hope as far as finances, education, health care, etc....

I liked the way Obama carried himself last night. It made me feel confident that with all the stuff that he's going to have to clean up after the Bush Administration leaves, that he's not going to let America see him sweat. I'm sure he knows what he has in front of him and I believe that he's ready to take all of it on. On the other hand, I realize that he's not perfect...he has some weak points as well but, I think he recognizes those areas and has a great team surrounding him to assist him . The debate overall gave me a headache...but I stayed up to watch it so I could be sure that I heard the information first hand.

I feel that MCain is afraid that he is going to lose to Obama. The look in his eyes scared me...I thought he would go into cardiac arrest last night. I'm not too sure that he won't have to be admitted if Obama does win the election. I'm going to continue to pray...this world is never going to be the same either way...if Obama or McCain wins. I'm so ready for this election...I'm counting down the days 19 more days.

Is it Just Me...????

It just seems that everyone is going through something. People are struggling financially, loved ones are falling ill or dying, relationships are crumbling, families are bickering...what is going on? In the last few weeks, I've talked to several people who are just going through some serious hardships. What do you say to someone who's hurting? In my case, sometimes I just stay silent and other times I offer words of encouragement. With so much going on in the world, it appears that people are giving up.

I myself have dealt with several issues but at this time, I'm trying to stay as stress free as possible. But its hard when the bills are piling up and debts still need to be paid; people I care about need me for support; when you're not seeing eye-to-eye with people....just so much. During these times, everyone needs to just try and keep their heads up and keep pushing. Trouble doesn't last always...I'm a witness.

The Weekend...

Just returning to work from a long weekend and I must say it was nice. Friday kicked off with me going to get a pedicure only to realize that my ankles were swollen. The pedicure felt really good but I think the warm water made them swell even more so...I went straight home & got in the bed to elevate my feet. My diet on Friday consisted of McDonalds for breakfast & pizza for lunch...now I know those 2 things will have to be put on hold until the baby gets here.

My sister came down to spend the night with me and brought her precious stepson with her. He ran all through my house, pulled things out of place & spilled food & snacks everywhere, but I loved it. Will & I got our practice watching what we have in store for us in the next year. Saturday, I woke up with a minor scare(spotting), but my Dr. ensured that I was ok & to just take it easy. So we did absolutely nothing on Saturday. Laid around, got something to eat and watched movies...the story of my life right now. I have never chilled this much in my life but I know that I must do this for the sake of this pregnancy. Nikki & Cy left in the afternoon on Saturday and I really wanted them to stay longer so I could play with him, but they had to go. My girl Nellie stopped up to see me Sat. evening and we had a good time chatting(as usual).

Sunday, I had planned to go to church but those plans changed due to the situation on Sat. I picked up my god-daughter and spent some time with her. We went to breakfast & to the store and rode around talking. She'll be 13 next month so we had alot to talk about. She is very excited about becoming a big god-sister and I plan to let her help me as much as she likes. Sunday aftenoon, we did nothing...chilled & watched tv(this is becoming routine). I don't think him & I have ever been this still since we've been dating. He seems to be enjoying the quiet time & I'm pulling my hair out wanting to hit the streets(lol). Monday 2 of my girls(Tiff & Chelle) came to visit. They haven't seen me since I became pregnant and they were so excited. Its funny to see my girls react to the news and when they see me, its so funny to see how excited they are about me becoming a mommy. I know everyone has been waiting for this day but its just funny to see everyone's reaction. My girl Smiley & I went to lunch after the girls left and then I came home to try & chill.

I luv long weekends...

Random Thoughts

Yesterday was a pretty good day overall. The weather was beautiful and that made the day even better. My normal routine nowadays is after work, I come home & chill and I did just that. I thought I would get out to enjoy some of these last days of warm weather but I opted to chill & finish reading. In the last month, I've read 3 books: E. Lynn Harris new book, "Cooked" by Jeff Henderson and Faith Evans biography. All 3 of these books were good but I must say that Faith Evans, "Keep the Faith" is a must-read. That young lady went through so much and now alot of things that I read about her in the tabloids back in the late 90's has been cleared up. I always loved her music but I respect her more as an artist and a person now that I've read her book.

Also, I began to get rid of unnecessary papers & stuff so I can get the house ready for the baby. I try to do a little bit at a time because it can be overwhelming. During my cleaning session, I came across one of my journals and end up reading it & couldn't put it down. Its so funny to look back on some of the things I was doing & going through. Some things I laughed about, some got me upset and there were even things that made me mad all over again. Although it was "old"material & things that happened in the past, its funny how just reading something can spark up the same feelings you had days, months or years ago.

Today is Friday and I'm looking forward to my long weekend. I don't have any concrete plans, but just that fact that I have the option to do absolutely nothing if I don't want to excites me. This evening I have a pedicure appt. and that's a must even in the cold weather. I don't understand why people feel that they can neglect their feet in the colder months...just because your toes won't be exposed doesn't mean your feet has to be tore up. But I'm the exception(so I've been told), I just like to be pampered...I live for it. Plus I like nice things & look good, so, maybe I'll go shopping this weekend too(lol).

I'm feeling being pregnant right now. Actually, I think I look cute(*wink*). I always wondered what I would look like once I became pregnant & I must admit that so far, I'm feeling it. I admire myself all the time in the mirror & its amazing to see my stomach growing & stretching but I'm still carrying it real sexy. Everyone is threatening me about "blowing up" in the next few months. Well, if that should happen, I'll be fine. I'm going on 6 months and I can still run with the best of them. I'm just having fun watching all the changes occurring & anxiously waiting for my baby to get here.

I'M BACK!!!

Its been a while since I've had the opportunity to blog. So many people have been asking me what happened to my blog entries, but so much has gone on & not enough time to write but I plan to do better.

For starters, the summer was good. Didn't get the opportunity to go on vacation this year but I did get to experience New Orleans for a week(work-related), so I guess I can chalk that up as a vacation. I enjoyed my stay in New Orleans, the food was excellent, the people were nice and I got a chance to visit the disaster areas from Hurricane Katrina(very sad). I do plan to go back & visit sometime next year so I can really do some touring shopping & maybe some drinking(lol).

I also found out very early in the summer that I was pregnant...yep, I'm expecting a baby in February. I found out late May that I was "with child" and I cried for 2 weeks straight. Not necessarily tears of joy, but tears of shock, excitement, nervousness, happiness....a whole flood of emotions came over me. I didn't share the news with too many people(only the people who mattered) because I wanted to get through the 1st trimester(which I hear is the riskiest). In the first 3 months, I had some complications that landed me in the hospital twice and on bed rest a few times. I began to wonder if waiting until I was 36 years of age was a good idea, but I know that if I had done this 5-10 years ago, I'm not sure if I would've been mentally ready. So here I am, 5 months pregnant, soon to be 6 months...moving right along. I'm getting excited & mentally prepared for this new life of mine.

Its funny how things can happen in life that will cause you to change up your whole mindset. I've been forced to slow down(due to pregnancy) so now it seems that all I have is time to sit and think. I find myself writing more(I needed too), praying alot(always a good thing), reading more(something I had stopped doing) and just not taking life for granted. So, here I am with a new life inside of me, starting a new life, maturing, learning new things...so much.

So for now, that's what's been going on. Now, no one has to wonder anymore, what I'm up to-I'M BACK!!!!!(:

" Be Careful What U PrayFor..."

My mom has always told me this growing up and even as I get older, she always makes it clear...be careful what u pray for. I'm always praying for & about something, I communicate with God all day about everything. Lately, I find myself at the oddest time praying for things and I must say that God continues to answer. Recently I'm been praying for peace & tranquility and what do u know, I've discovered this calm that I can't even describe. Things that normally bother me don't anymore(or not as much), people who try to get under my skin don't stand a chance, any & everything that would normally worry me, don't anymore so I say, hallelujiah for the peace. There are other areas in my life that I've been praying about and all those things are happening & being revealed to me daily...God is so good. I must say that life can present some very interesting things. One day you think u can predict whats going to happen the next and what happens...something totally out of the norm. Luckily, I can say that lately, things have been good. So many wonderful things are happening for me right now...I can't wait to see how life will be in this time next year...exciting!!!!

Today, I'm tired..can't wait to get on the bus to take a nap before I get home to do my regular evening stuff. The week is going by pretty slow but I'm not going to complain. I have a job, a home, a car, food, money, clothes...alot of things that people can't just say they have so once again, I'm grateful. Oh, need I mention, peope who love me....who are surrounding me with so much love...so much that sometimes I don't even feel worthy. As I pack up for the day, I'm sure that I'll be praying once again...not just for God to make something happen, but just praying, thanking him for who he is in my life.

TGIF!!!!
This has been the longest & busiest week that I've experienced in a long time. Even though I had Monday off and Wednesday was a training day, it seemed like it took Friday forever to get here so, TGIF!!!!

I have no concrete plans for the weekend except for dinner with the ladies on Sunday. Its been a minute since we all got together so on Sunday, we plan to have dinner at Maggiano's and whatever else we want to do afterwards. So much is going on this weekend. The Afram is all weekend with a very nice line-up, but I'm not sure if I want to be out in that heat. Raheem Devaughn & Chrisette will be at Merriweather, but again, not sure if I want to be in the heat. My house is in need of a good cleaning, and I just don't feel like doing it. I've been on the hunt for a real good cleaning lady but, no success.

I need a vacation soon...my schedule is getting tighter. Next month is consumed with weddings & celebrations. When I say my weekends are all full, I mean they are full. Doesn't appear that I will have much time to do anything for myself so...I'm in search of a few days somewhere to relax, have fun & swim but that can't happen until early August or September.

So much is going on right now(not all bad), the economy is crazy...I feel broke(even though I'm not), my car is guzzling gas like crazy, feel like I can't shop(but that's a good thing, I have too much now), the days are going by so fast, I feel like I'm working like crazy(my boss is retiring on Monday), just life...but I'm blessed and I'm so glad that today is Friday.

Hot Weather/Hot Topic


This weekend was hot...I mean , the temperature outside was extremely unbearable. On Saturday, I got up early & did hair and just looking outside made me hot. I had a few things I needed to do but once I finished my last client, I took a drive to Whole Foods, picked up a few things to eat and came home to my cool house. Well all that came to a halt real fast. Main man & I were getting ready to order some movies on Pay-Per-View when out of nowhere, a strong wind came, then the rain, then the lightning and what do u know, the power goes out. Him & I just got quiet like, what now. Being that we have been going through some changes, I thought that watching some movies & chilling would take our mind off of discussing our relationship issues. Well...what do u know, once the power was out, all we had was each other and nothing to do but talk over candles. I was like, come on God, what are u trying to do. But it all worked out. We got a chance to talk(I was hoping the power would hurry & come back on), air out some matters that we keep sweeping under the rug; discussed some new matters that have surfaced and just trying to talk out some things to see where this relationship is going to end up. We needed that...somethings I can truly see clearer now. So, we ended up all night playing cards & playing Solitaire on my laptop until the wee hours of the morning.

Woke up the next morning to no power and a hot house. We end up going to breakfast and to Lowes so he could buy me a generator. I thought that was too much money to be spending but at least my food didn't go bad and we were able to get some cool air from the fan. The power end up coming back on around 6:30pm, just in time for dinner and the game. The house took forever to cool down but I was ever so grateful for power. Now I feel at ease if ever another storm comes through and I lose power. Now I know I got some back-up.

The weekend ended really cool, especially since I had Monday off. I was able to do a few things yesterday and come in the house and chill. The weather has been serious but I hear its suppose to cool down tonight(thank god). So, in spite of all the warm weather & loss of power, me & main man got a chance to talk(which is a breath of fresh air from all the fussing we've been doing lately); got a chance to have some fun like we use too; spend some quality time and just creating that bond that we always had from day one. Relationships are work...I swear...I want to give up sometimes...it can really wear u down but...that 4-letter word...will keep u pushing . So, I guess I gained something out of all this hot weather...a clear mind with a better understanding....

To be continued....

In Need Of a Getaway

That's what I need right now. I truly think some time alone-but away is what I need right now. Got alot going on in the brain, not enough time to process so I think a short getaway, included with a few spa treatments would do my body some good. The economy is so bad right now so I'm extra paranoid about spending money but I know this would be all worth it. Being home isn't going to do it...my phone ringing, people needing me for one thing or another, finding things to do around the house...I need to be in an unfamiliar place just to unwind...these past few weeks have been hectic.

Today I'm just extra emotional...thinking real hard, crying...for some reasons I can understand, but others...I don't have a clue. I guess this is my moment...I'll get through it. I have so many reasons to be happy right now but there's always something lingering that brings me back to this emotional state. Been praying ALOT lately...really need to...something I do often but finding myself doing g it alot. I know GOd answers prayers, he hears me when I ask him for things but he only gives me what I need & can handle so I'm trusting him as I always do to help me through whatever is weighing on me.

I'm just rambling...but foreal, I need a vacation, getaway, something...

Random Thoughts...blah..blah...blah...


Its been a while since I've blogged...life has just been like a roller coaster these last few months. Alot of things going on. Been doing alot of soul-searching. This life can bring so many different challenges whether it be personal or business. I've been trying to "clear the air" on alot of matters. I really think I'm just overdue for a vacation, but with the economy being so crazy, I'm just trying to make it. But all & all, God is good and I'm so blessed.

I returned back to work from an extended holiday weekend. I truly needed that time off and although I didn't do anything that I said I was going to do, one thing I did accomplish was getting some rest. So, my house is still not as clean as I want it to be; my refrigerator is still slightly empty cause I haven't felt like going grocery shopping; my office is still junky & my spare room is just a mess....I still enjoyed my time off. I'm sure one day soon I'll be able to get all those things done .

My sister Nikki graduates tomorrow. After more than 10 years, she will be getting her degree and I'm so happy for her. Its just the beginning of more things to come I'm sure. I'm planning her a party on Saturday and I'm already overwhelmed of all the people who are going to be attending and I haven't even been to the store to buy one thing...I'll get to it. But I am so happy for her. Go Nikki!!!!! I know how it feels to accomplish something that you have been trying to do for so long so she should be proud. I remember this time six years ago when I was graduating from Maryland...one of the best days of my life.

Summer is fast approaching and as I look at my calender, my summer is basically over already. Every weekend in June is basically booked with Warm Spirit functions, a bridal shower, cakes to bake...and July, that whole month is devoted to weddings, so love is still alive & kicking. I'm hoping that sometime in August I can get away with the girls for a long weekend & me & main man might be able to find sometime to get away too. We need it. Our relationship has been tested for the last few months, but we're still pressing on to make it work. We both agree that we want to work for this....we're not ready to give up on each other so...each day we're working at it...relationships are alot of work...I now know that love alone can't save it, both parties have to want to fight and boy are we fighting(lol). But I love him...thank God for that...enuf said.

2 Wrongs...Does it Really Not Make it Right???

Its been a while since I've blogged because I've been so consumed with business, personal and everyday issues & matters. So today, an issue that I've been dealing with for sometime has surfaced and caused me to question...do 2 wrongs make a right? Hmn...I do believe in karma and I know that a persons actions to something or someone(I guess both good & bad) will always reappear somewhere in that persons life and a consequence will eventually have to be served but sometimes I can't help to practice..when someone does something to me, I normally like to give them what they gave me. I'm not very good for waiting for that person to receive their "payback" or consequence, I want to be right there while they're experiencing it or I want to be sure that they feel what I once felt a from the result of something they did to me. I know that it isn't right, its not my call but I'm learning to try and not be so vindictive when it comes to certain matters.
Recently, I've been going through a series of emotional breakdowns and I'm realizing that when I feel like I'm giving my all, the results aren't always what I expect. I've been told before that I have very high expectations of others(probably because I have very high ones of myself) and that's why alot of times I get let down. I'm learning that everyone isn't going to see things the way I see them; everyone isn't going to agree with what I think is right; everyone isn't going to live their lives the way I think they should and most of all, life just isn't fair. So, as I go through this period of recognizing that just because someone does something that I don't like or doesn't feel right to me, there's no need for me to turn around and do to them what they've done to me, because it will only make matters worse. I need to trust that God will produce patience in my life and help me to understand that no matter how bad something may be, he is going to take control of the situation. And as long as I'm doing what is right, what someone else does will be taken care of, not by me, but by him so...in actuality...2 wrongs really don't make it really right...it just makes things feel ok for the moment....to be continued.

My weekend in Atlanta...

Last weekend I went to Atlanta to hang out with my cousin for her birthday. The weekend turned out to be a nice, definitely a refreshing break from being home. Although I normally don't hang out at clubs, I did alot of that over the weekend, but that's what my cuz wanted to do and that's what we did. I realized that the club scene is so not me anymore, but going to them occasionally is ok. I might've got the average of 10 hours of sleep over the whole weekend so I was exhausted when I got home on Monday. I also got a chance to go to a strip club(female) while I was there. I've always been curious as to what goes on in those places, and from what I heard, Atlanta was the best place to experience one first hand. And so I did, thanks to my good friend CR...he took me to 2 clubs. I must say that I was totally shocked to see that the ladies dance in the nude but it really didn't bother me, I actually was studying a few of them to get some moves(lol).

The weather was a little crazy. A tornado came through Atlanta and tore up downtown Atlanta. We weren't really affected except for the occasional rain showers, wind & inconsistent sunny skies. I guess I could see myself living in Atlanta only if I could make the money I'm making here, anything else is not going to happen. But overall, I was so happy to return home to my house, my bed, my own bathroom...just everything about home. Its funny how homesick I get when I go out of town...I'm just as anxious to return home as I am getting to my destination.

All Over the Place...that's me

I have so much going on right now...I don't know whether I'm coming or going. Although I love to stay busy, I just feel like I'm all over the place. I'm dealing with all kinds of things...projects at the house, side hustles that I'm trying to make happen, pressure on the full-time, relationship issues, family matters...I'm drained. I need sometime to sit down and sort out all of the things I have going on...I also need to prioritize, find out what's most important for me and my life at this time. I know there are things that can be put on hold, but I'm impatient and once I have in my mind that I'm going to make something happen, that's what I set out to do.

Currently, my kitchen is being remodeled. What started as a small leak from my refrigerator, has turned in to me deciding to remodel my kitchen. Its something that I've been wanting to do for some time and I know it will bring the value of my house up so its not a bad thing...just very time consuming & draining(I hate seeing my house a wreck). The project should be done by Friday...now all I can stress about is how I'm going to find time to get my house back in order...uugh.

Me and main man have been struggling for the past 2 weeks. This relationship stuff can be draining as well. I love him so much...am I willing to fight for this relationship...this week, I don't have the energy. We both are trying to accommodate one another's wants, respect each others space, try to understand one anothers differences and still be in love...its so hard. I know how challenging a relationship can be and I'm not the easiest person to be in a relationship with but I swear I've been trying...I've been working for this thing. He's happy with me, he doesn't want me to change, but I feel that I have to, just to be more comfortable so...I know we'll make it, I believe we will...I just have to go through the motions.

Work...I love my job, it can be so challenging at times(that's what I love), but its so hard working for & around people who can't get used to the fact that I'm just as smart as they are and I deserve to be recognized for my talents. The higher I climb this ladder, the more I see that being on top isn't always the best. But again, I love my job...alot of changes will be made in the next few months so I'm sure things will get better. I grateful for being so young and doing so well...so I'm not complaining, I'm just venting.

Side hustles..hair, cakes, event planning...my plate is so full. I'm still doing hair on the weekends, now cake orders are coming in...I love the hustle but my time is dwindling. I still enjoy doing hair and baking cakes is so therapeutic...I don't want to get to the point where I feel like I have to bake cakes, I want to do it because I love too. The event planning is going well...my Aunt & Uncles 50-year wedding renewal is going well. The time is fast approaching so right now I feel like its all coming together...all these side hustles, I'm doing what I love, getting some $$ at the same time...but it can also be draining...but I'm keeping it moving.

Family matters...oh gosh...they are what they are. So much has been going on. All I'm doing is praying and remaining still. I'm learning to not react everytime something happens and realizing that I'm not Superwoman. I hate it when I can't do something to make a situation better, but that's life. Everyone can't be on top...we all have to struggle and go through things...it only makes us stronger.

So, even though I'm all over the place, I know that God is going to see me through and it will all work out. I know that I'm finding myself praying more these days and I thank God for always bringing me peace...I may be all over the place but I know for sure that I'm going to be ok.

A Nervous Wreck!!!!

This morning at 4:30am, I dropped my mother and grandmother off to the airport. They were flying to Ft. Lauderdale to visit my uncle and his kids...but this was my grandmothers first flight. She has never, in her 71 years been on a plane and she was very nervous. She decided last year that she wanted to concur her fear of flying before she leaves this earth and this year was the year. She suffers from claustrophobia(just like me) and being in closed in places(elevators, tunnels...) is nerve wrecking and scary. Although I don't enjoy flying, I do it because there are places I want to see and in order to make it happen, I have to fly. But this morning, I was a nervous wreck. The look in her eyes when I picked her up said it all, "I'm terrified". When they got to the airport, mommy called to say that Ganny got more nervous so she gave her something to calm her down, but I just received the call and she made it!!!!!! I had a chance to speak with her and she was very emotional, being that she couldn't believe she did it, but she said she was fine and she could do it again. So, my nerves are better....I can finally get my day started now that I know they're safe in Florida and she's fine. They return on Monday, so I'm hoping that that flight goes as smooth as this one. Way to go Ganny!!!!!

VERY LONG WEEKEND

The weekend was very long. I was so looking forward to my 4 days to do whatever it was I wanted to do but...such as life...things happen that are beyond anyone's control. My long weekend started cool. My mom went into the hospital unexpectantly, so that wasn't cool...but she's doing fine and I'm happy about that. I was looking to spend some time with main man since the both of us were going to be off. We had a very chill Valentine's Day...drinks & appetizers at one of our favorite spots. Earlier, he showered me with flowers(calla lillies), balloons, etc at the job(how cute) and then he followed up that evening with not 1 but 2 very nice watches(Marc Jacobs & Michael Kors). I was shocked...I did need a new watch but 2 and by 2 of my favorite designers...I swear he's the best...I'm lovin him this week(lol). I bought him a glass chess board. He's been worrying me about learning to play chess so he could have someone to play with so...for a man who has almost everything, I thought a chessboard and a book for me to read to learn how to play was the perfect gift. He loved it.

The weekend started with me having a minor catastrophe at my house. My ice maker backed up and leaked and caused damage to my kitchen floor, basement walls, ceiling and carpet. I was done...upset..not as upset as I thought I would be but...I was prety upset. Thank god for insurance...they were on it right away and are handling the situation. My house was out of order all weekend. I had plans to have friends over for the All-Star game but that was all put off because of the state of my house. I'm blessed because I have insurance and I won't have to come out of pocket as much so..thank God.

Overall, the weekend ended up being productive. I painted my powder room(I hate painting), did some cleaning around the house, got the car serviced, picked up groceries, paid bills...rippin & runnin but I'm glad I handled 85% of my business. I'm looking at my finances and I have so much to spend money on in the next 6 months. I'm pretty good with managing my money so I'm sure I'll be ok, but I hate it when things get so tight.

I'm back at work today..work meets me at the door so I will be very consumed with official government business this week but...that's what I get paid to do...so I'm not complaining. Life is good...it can get crazy sometimes but over all, I'm good.

PRAYER!!!

That's all I need right now foreal....alot of it.

SHOES....PURSES....ETC....

I gotta have these shoes for the Spring...I must have them in my life. BCBG has the flyest shoes and they're also comfortable. I figure this shoe will go with anything...I gotta have them.

This bag is calling my name. Everyone who knows me know how I feel about Michael Kors. I love his clothes, perfume, bags, shoes...anything that he makes, I love it!!!!!

ME, MYSELF & I

I can honestly say that this weekend I got a chance to get in touch with myself. I wasn't in any particular mood or anything, I just felt like I needed some "me" time. It did help that I wasn't really feeling main man this weekend so I didn't have to worry about him being in my space too much. On Friday, the plan was to get together with some friends for a drink, but as soon as I got home, I immediately got out of my work clothes and in the bed. I looked at TV, talked on the phone, slept, read a magazine...slept....it was so refreshing. I don't get many Friday's where I can just come home & rest.

Saturday morning started the same. Up very early to take clients and I finished around 2pm. I thought of a thousand things I could've done but instead, I decided to put on some of my favorite cd's, put on my apron and I started baking a cake and cooking spaghetti. Cooking is very therapeutic for me so...I did that, then I decided to run me a lavender bath, lit some candles, put my ipod in the docking station, and sat back in the tub and just chilled. I than put on some cute pajamas and I was in the bed by 7:30. I could not believe I was allowing myself to just chill when there's so many other things I could've been doing. I laid in the bed, talked on the phone, watched a few shows on my new tv, read & finally went to sleep around 11:00pm.

Sunday morning, I overslept for church so I called my girl Tiny and asked did she want to go to brunch, she needed to get out of the house for some "girlfriend time" so she said yes. Then we called Tarita & Nellie and the 4 of us met for brunch. It was so nice to just get together with my girls and share a few mimosas, good food and great conversation. Its always nice to get together with the girls...we need to do that more often. After brunch, me & Nellie(my favorite "shopping" girlfriend) and I went to to Marshalls. We didn't do too much damage, but we had fun browsing and the both of us left out the store with some nice pillows(lol)....that's it.

So...the weekend was very chill, I absolutely needed it, loved it and plan to do that more often. Sometimes I can just get overwhelmed over all the things that I have on my plate that I just keep moving and never take time to just chill out. After this weekend, I know I will be chilling more often.

My Body is Thanking Me...

Yesterday, I returned to the gym after not going for about 6 weeks. Going to the gym was just a part of my lifestyle....2-3 days a week I was in the gym doing cardio and some type of yoga/pilates or tai chi. I fell off the week prior to my vacation. I was so busy with packing, getting my hair done, trying to get my workload down so I could enjoy my vacation with no worries. Once I came back, the holidays were beginning therefore, I was cooking, shopping and doing everything else except for going to the gym. Then, Christmas came around and I was eating whenever & whatever I wanted, just because it was the holiday and cause I wanted too. Every week I was telling myself that I was going to start back working out again, but I was getting real comfortable coming home doing absolutely nothing so needless to say, I never made it. What's good about me is that I eat healthy...not because I make myself, but because I love healthy foods. Fruits, vegetables & whole grain products is just a part of my life...I love it.

So, yesterday, I made up my mind to return back to the gym. All day I was so excited just thinking about it so I couldn't wait to get there and workout. When I got there, the gym was packed(everyone trying to lose weight for the new year) but it was nice to see some of the people I was used to seeing back when I was going on a regular. My BodyFLow instructor was shocked to see me...she was wondering what had happened but I explained to her what was going on in the last 6 or more weeks and she understood. So, I did some cardio, took a class and now I'm feeling real good. My body isn't aching too bad but I know that once I pick up the pace a little it will.

Working out for me is so refreshing...my body really appreciates it. I sleep better, I feel better and overall I look better. I know my body is thanking me right now...I can't wait to hit the gym tonight...its on!!!!!

What a difference a conversation makes.......

I have a alot of male friends who I can talk to about anything. I love talking to them because it gives me another perspective on how to look at a situation. But one of my male friends & I have been at a tug-of-war for the last week or more about a few things. We haven't really talked in a minute(mostly because we're both so busy), but the last time we spoke, we had a disagreement about something so of course I was taking his lack of 'trying to contact me' personal. So yesterday, I decided to call him to say hello. After leaving a few messages & emails, he finally responded and I explained to him that we needed to talk. Later that evening, he finally called and we had a very deep conversation. The conversation was a long overdue one that I must say I'm glad took place.

In the beginning, I found myself being very defensive but with time, I began to hear that person out and really listen to what he had to say. The convo went on like a tennis match for the first 15 minutes(that blew me) but after we both realized that neither of us were really listening to the other....we began to talk about what the issues were and within 20 minutes, I realized we were getting somewhere. My friend & I are so-oooo much alike when it comes to certain things(especially debates) and I've found that neither of us gives up until we get our point across. We've been friends for sometime now and we both have alot of similarities in the way we handle business so I can always count on him to bounce ideas & things off of when it comes to certain business & personal matters. But, when we disagree....whoa...its like a damn severe storm...the dark cloud sits over our friendship until we work it out and that sometimes annoys me. But that's what happens with friends; we can't always agree and we may not always see things the same.

So, we both realized that it was a big misunderstanding on both of our behalf...of course I was a little extra because I'm emotional(and that's what females do) but he assured me that our friendship is still as tight as the day we met, and that just because we don't agree on issues doesn't mean that out friendship is doomed and that even though we're the opposite sex, when you care about someone, their feelings do matter. So with that said, we're cool again...I really missed talking to him cause he's just one of those friends that makes me laugh in the midst of craziness, always encourages me when it comes to my success and all the things I want to do when I grow up(lol) and he's not a push-over(he lets me know when I'm wrong or gotten out of hand). So I guess we all need a friend like that and I realized that instead of reacting & brushing things under the rug, if you just talk it out....and that person is sincerely a good friend.....u should do everything in your power to work it out.

The New Year is here...it seems like I was just celebrating 2007...that means that the year has gone by so fast. I can't really say anything bad about 2007 except that it was a fast year...alot of things happened(both good & bad) but it just seems that it went by so fast. I let go of alot of things & people in 2007 and I know it was all for the best. I don't have any regrets about any decisions that I've made. I don't really make resolutions anymore...I find that I break them soon after I make them so...I just write things down and mentally prepare myself for whatever it is that I want to do, change or make happen.

With that said, I plan to coast in 2008. Live each day like its my last & do what makes me happy. I have a few things that I know that I need to make happen(become better organized, not shop as much cause I really have everything, not let little things get me frazzled, set new goals, decide what I really want to do career wise....) so I plan to concentrate on those things. I'm still on the fence about purchasing a new home....I still think I'm ready to build but I'm just not sure if its a good time(I'm so tight with money); I want to buy my X5...I'm almost sure this is going to happen real soon(I deserve it, just don't want the note); I think I'm ready to have a child(this changes every other week...not sure if I'm ready, if its the right time....); I want a new job(I normally become bored after about 2-3 years in a position)...so many things that I'm "all over the place" with but I'm sure that I'll be able to make some concrete decisions soon.

The holidays were GREAT!!! The family was back together having the time of our life. We spent Thanksgiving, Xmas Eve & Xmas together. Last year was a rough year for us, but God brought us all back together again and I'm so glad he did. Me & main man's relationship has grown stronger...still got some kinks to work out but this year was definitely alot better than last year. All my girls are still my girls....we still are growing together emotionally, spiritually & just proving that black woman can be friends without all the drama. All our lives are so busy but we still got that bond that can't be broken.

Here's to the New Year 2008...looking forward to seeing what it has in store.