MY BABY IS HERE!!!

On Tuesday, October 21st, I delivered my baby girl, Nina Nicole Brewster. She arrived at 5:35am by emergency C-Section and she came 3 months early. She weighed
1pd/6ozs & 11 1/2 inches long. I didn't expect her to arrive so soon but for some reason, she decided that she needed to arrive early. The whole ordeal has me emotionally drained but I'm grateful that God allowed her to make it. Now, she's fighting to grow stronger & healthier so I can bring her home. The Dr.s estimate that she will be under the care of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for at least 2 months and although I wish I could bring her home with me, I know she's in the best place, getting the best care. Everyday that I visit her is hard because I hate to leave her. I know she knows that I love her and she makes it known when she squeezes my finger. I never thought that I would be so in love with someone...I knew I loved her the first time I laid eyes on her. Its amazing to feel so much love for someone.
I hear that for the next 2 months, I will be on an emotional rollercoaster. Preemies have a way of having really good periods and they're usually followed by several setbacks. I've always felt that I was a pretty strong woman but I feel like I'm breaking down, but I have to constantly remind myself that Nina needs me and I know she feeds off of my strength so I have to be strong for her. But its so hard. I know that God can do anything and I'm trusting in him to help me to be strong, patient, optimistic & confident and I'm trusting in him to help my baby girl to continue to fight.
This whole experience has humbled me to know end. It also has confirmed that no matter how much you plan, things are going to go the way that God wants them to go. I still don't understand why God has chose me to go through this experience, but I'm assuming that he feels that I can handle it. There are so many prayers going up for Nina. Everyday someone is calling me to let me know that they're praying for both Nina & I and I'm very thankful. Ms. Nina Nicole is my everything...everything I do from here on out is to make a better life for her. She deserves the best and I know that God chose her just for me. And even though during this time I feel like I'm going crazy, I thank God for all his blessings, especially my precious baby Nina.

TGIF!!!!!!!

Today is the end of a very long week. It always seems that when a holiday falls on a Monday, it takes forever for Friday to get here. I'm ecstatic about the weekend, and even though I really don't have anything to do, just knowing that I can sleep in tomorrow and Sunday if I want too is alright with me.

The weather is cooling off and its suppose to be kinda chilly this weekend(my type of weather) so I'm looking forward to opening my doors and letting some fresh air blow through the house. My sister and I are going to try and get rid of some unnecessary things I have in my spare room and I know she's looking forward to leaving with a bag full of clothes. My sis & I are very close, but now that she has a niece/nephew coming, we have been spending alot of time together and I'm luvin it.

I think I'm in the mood for cooking & baking this weekend so I may make main man his lasagna he's been asking for and even bake a cake or 2. I don't know where all this energy is coming from, but I'm going to embrace it. I'm looking for another good book to read so I'll probably go to the bookstore and I plan to just kick back for the most part this weekend. I'm off on Monday and I have 2 Dr.s appointments so that means my day off will be pretty full. Anyway, Friday is here, my day here at work is almost over and I'm happy(: TGIF!!!!!!

The Debate....I'm so ready for Nov. 4th

Last night I made sure I stayed up to watch the debate and I'm not sure if I'm feeling frustrated or optimistic. The last debate made me really upset...all the attacks being thrown and not dealing with the issues just made me turn the TV halfway through it. But this time I decided to give it another shot, being that it was the last debate before the election. If I ever thought before, I believe that this whole election is turning into a race war on both sides. There are people who are voting for McCain just because they don't want a black man in office. They haven't taken the time to listen to what his plans for this country is, they just know they don't want a black man in the White House. Now, they're are people who are voting for Obama solely on him being a black man. They feel that just because his skin looks just like theirs, that no matter what his plans for the country is, they're going to vote for him. I believe that people should vote for the person who's going to give them hope as far as finances, education, health care, etc....

I liked the way Obama carried himself last night. It made me feel confident that with all the stuff that he's going to have to clean up after the Bush Administration leaves, that he's not going to let America see him sweat. I'm sure he knows what he has in front of him and I believe that he's ready to take all of it on. On the other hand, I realize that he's not perfect...he has some weak points as well but, I think he recognizes those areas and has a great team surrounding him to assist him . The debate overall gave me a headache...but I stayed up to watch it so I could be sure that I heard the information first hand.

I feel that MCain is afraid that he is going to lose to Obama. The look in his eyes scared me...I thought he would go into cardiac arrest last night. I'm not too sure that he won't have to be admitted if Obama does win the election. I'm going to continue to pray...this world is never going to be the same either way...if Obama or McCain wins. I'm so ready for this election...I'm counting down the days 19 more days.

Is it Just Me...????

It just seems that everyone is going through something. People are struggling financially, loved ones are falling ill or dying, relationships are crumbling, families are bickering...what is going on? In the last few weeks, I've talked to several people who are just going through some serious hardships. What do you say to someone who's hurting? In my case, sometimes I just stay silent and other times I offer words of encouragement. With so much going on in the world, it appears that people are giving up.

I myself have dealt with several issues but at this time, I'm trying to stay as stress free as possible. But its hard when the bills are piling up and debts still need to be paid; people I care about need me for support; when you're not seeing eye-to-eye with people....just so much. During these times, everyone needs to just try and keep their heads up and keep pushing. Trouble doesn't last always...I'm a witness.

The Weekend...

Just returning to work from a long weekend and I must say it was nice. Friday kicked off with me going to get a pedicure only to realize that my ankles were swollen. The pedicure felt really good but I think the warm water made them swell even more so...I went straight home & got in the bed to elevate my feet. My diet on Friday consisted of McDonalds for breakfast & pizza for lunch...now I know those 2 things will have to be put on hold until the baby gets here.

My sister came down to spend the night with me and brought her precious stepson with her. He ran all through my house, pulled things out of place & spilled food & snacks everywhere, but I loved it. Will & I got our practice watching what we have in store for us in the next year. Saturday, I woke up with a minor scare(spotting), but my Dr. ensured that I was ok & to just take it easy. So we did absolutely nothing on Saturday. Laid around, got something to eat and watched movies...the story of my life right now. I have never chilled this much in my life but I know that I must do this for the sake of this pregnancy. Nikki & Cy left in the afternoon on Saturday and I really wanted them to stay longer so I could play with him, but they had to go. My girl Nellie stopped up to see me Sat. evening and we had a good time chatting(as usual).

Sunday, I had planned to go to church but those plans changed due to the situation on Sat. I picked up my god-daughter and spent some time with her. We went to breakfast & to the store and rode around talking. She'll be 13 next month so we had alot to talk about. She is very excited about becoming a big god-sister and I plan to let her help me as much as she likes. Sunday aftenoon, we did nothing...chilled & watched tv(this is becoming routine). I don't think him & I have ever been this still since we've been dating. He seems to be enjoying the quiet time & I'm pulling my hair out wanting to hit the streets(lol). Monday 2 of my girls(Tiff & Chelle) came to visit. They haven't seen me since I became pregnant and they were so excited. Its funny to see my girls react to the news and when they see me, its so funny to see how excited they are about me becoming a mommy. I know everyone has been waiting for this day but its just funny to see everyone's reaction. My girl Smiley & I went to lunch after the girls left and then I came home to try & chill.

I luv long weekends...

Random Thoughts

Yesterday was a pretty good day overall. The weather was beautiful and that made the day even better. My normal routine nowadays is after work, I come home & chill and I did just that. I thought I would get out to enjoy some of these last days of warm weather but I opted to chill & finish reading. In the last month, I've read 3 books: E. Lynn Harris new book, "Cooked" by Jeff Henderson and Faith Evans biography. All 3 of these books were good but I must say that Faith Evans, "Keep the Faith" is a must-read. That young lady went through so much and now alot of things that I read about her in the tabloids back in the late 90's has been cleared up. I always loved her music but I respect her more as an artist and a person now that I've read her book.

Also, I began to get rid of unnecessary papers & stuff so I can get the house ready for the baby. I try to do a little bit at a time because it can be overwhelming. During my cleaning session, I came across one of my journals and end up reading it & couldn't put it down. Its so funny to look back on some of the things I was doing & going through. Some things I laughed about, some got me upset and there were even things that made me mad all over again. Although it was "old"material & things that happened in the past, its funny how just reading something can spark up the same feelings you had days, months or years ago.

Today is Friday and I'm looking forward to my long weekend. I don't have any concrete plans, but just that fact that I have the option to do absolutely nothing if I don't want to excites me. This evening I have a pedicure appt. and that's a must even in the cold weather. I don't understand why people feel that they can neglect their feet in the colder months...just because your toes won't be exposed doesn't mean your feet has to be tore up. But I'm the exception(so I've been told), I just like to be pampered...I live for it. Plus I like nice things & look good, so, maybe I'll go shopping this weekend too(lol).

I'm feeling being pregnant right now. Actually, I think I look cute(*wink*). I always wondered what I would look like once I became pregnant & I must admit that so far, I'm feeling it. I admire myself all the time in the mirror & its amazing to see my stomach growing & stretching but I'm still carrying it real sexy. Everyone is threatening me about "blowing up" in the next few months. Well, if that should happen, I'll be fine. I'm going on 6 months and I can still run with the best of them. I'm just having fun watching all the changes occurring & anxiously waiting for my baby to get here.

I'M BACK!!!

Its been a while since I've had the opportunity to blog. So many people have been asking me what happened to my blog entries, but so much has gone on & not enough time to write but I plan to do better.

For starters, the summer was good. Didn't get the opportunity to go on vacation this year but I did get to experience New Orleans for a week(work-related), so I guess I can chalk that up as a vacation. I enjoyed my stay in New Orleans, the food was excellent, the people were nice and I got a chance to visit the disaster areas from Hurricane Katrina(very sad). I do plan to go back & visit sometime next year so I can really do some touring shopping & maybe some drinking(lol).

I also found out very early in the summer that I was pregnant...yep, I'm expecting a baby in February. I found out late May that I was "with child" and I cried for 2 weeks straight. Not necessarily tears of joy, but tears of shock, excitement, nervousness, happiness....a whole flood of emotions came over me. I didn't share the news with too many people(only the people who mattered) because I wanted to get through the 1st trimester(which I hear is the riskiest). In the first 3 months, I had some complications that landed me in the hospital twice and on bed rest a few times. I began to wonder if waiting until I was 36 years of age was a good idea, but I know that if I had done this 5-10 years ago, I'm not sure if I would've been mentally ready. So here I am, 5 months pregnant, soon to be 6 months...moving right along. I'm getting excited & mentally prepared for this new life of mine.

Its funny how things can happen in life that will cause you to change up your whole mindset. I've been forced to slow down(due to pregnancy) so now it seems that all I have is time to sit and think. I find myself writing more(I needed too), praying alot(always a good thing), reading more(something I had stopped doing) and just not taking life for granted. So, here I am with a new life inside of me, starting a new life, maturing, learning new things...so much.

So for now, that's what's been going on. Now, no one has to wonder anymore, what I'm up to-I'M BACK!!!!!(: