Wow...time sure does fly

I'm sitting here looking at my calendar and thinking, dag, December is almost over. This month has gone by so fast...it seems like I was just on vacation and that was over a month ago...wow. Well, December is here, the holidays are coming around and I must say that I'm finally getting in the spirit. I put my tree up last week and its beautiful. Mom came over and helped me decorate(she loves doing that). I didn't decorate as much as I normally do but the house still feels like Xmas. I got some shopping done, not much but I don't intend to do alot this year anyway. Me & my girl Nellie did some shopping last week(we picked up some things for ourselves too) and main man & I have been picking up a few things too. My sister & I hung out on Sunday and we picked up some gifts...I love my sister we had so much fun. We've always been close but it seems like the older we get, the closer we get. Today, I plan to go hit some stores to pick up a few things...I love giving gifts.
Last night, I started wrapping gifts so I feel like I'm moving right along. This is a short work week and than I'll be off for a few days. I'll get to enjoy the holidays and get some rest at the same time.

Today, I'm feeling good. So much better from the other day(what a difference a few days make).

Heavy....that's how I feel

Today is just one of those days...I'm feeling really heavy...like I'm carrying the world on my shoulders. I woke up this morning feeling "not so good" but I kept it moving and came on in to work. On my way to work, I stared out the window and began to think about all the things that are bothering me...it was kinda hard not to...just listening to my Ipod, its 5:30am, everyone on the bus is either sleeping, reading or doing what I'm doing(staring out the window thinking). Life can be so complicated at times...but I don't take living for granted....I'm blessed, it just happens to be one of those days.

I'm dealing with a variety of issues & matters, I've been just too busy to slow down and give those things some attention, but for some apparent reason, today is the day I decided to try to find some resolutions. So, I'm at work, its been a slow day, nothing really pressing and all I have is this time to think(I hate that about myself). I'm making conclusions to matters that I haven't even really dealt with, somethings I just want to be over. Then there are things that I need to happen in my life that just isn't happening...I need instant results, but I'm just not getting them. I know that I'm an impatient person and when I want something, I want it yesterday but I'm working on being patient(very hard for me).

I'm also dealing with how to deal with my emotions when it comes to certain matters. I'm a very emotional person, alot of people haven't seen this side but I'm overly emotional at times(and I hate it). I'm either over the top, crying, screaming...or to myself, quiet & withdrawn. So I'm working on trying to find a balance with my emotions. I'm also having trust issues. I find it so hard to put my trust in people, it seems that I get let down alot. I know that my expectations of others makes it that much harder for me to open up and relax, I'm working on this thing....I don't even trust myself sometimes(geeze).

I'm just heavy...there's so much going on that I need to address & handle...I've been so busy putting things aside until I found time to deal...I guess this is God's way of bringing things to light....I need to get ready to address & deal with these matters right now...but I don't feel like it but, I know I can't let them weigh me down any longer.