CHRISTMAS..What a wonderful Surprise!!!





Christmas was wonderful. In spite of Nina being in the hospital, it turned out very well. It started with me being a little down on Xmas Eve; just hated that I had to spend another holiday with out baby girl but I got myself together. Xmas morning started with the family tradition of breakfast. When Will & arrived at my aunts, I noticed my mom had a shirt on with what I thought was Nina's face...and it was. Once I started to look around, I noticed the WHOLE family with shirts with Nina's face. When I say the whole family, that included the babies & all. I lost it...I was already emotional but I broke all the way down. I thought it was the sweetest thing they could've done-I totally didn't expect it. They wanted to make sure that Nina was with us so seeing her face everywhere I turned was incredible. It made for a better morning because I was very emotional.

I love my family and in spite of our differences, we always come together to support one another. I will never forget what they did for us and when Nina gets older, I will tell her about what her family did for her 1st Christmas. Once breakfast was over, we went to see baby girl. She looked so cute in her red sleeper & Santa hat. I was so-ooo excited to see her(as always). We spent the remainder of the evening with her and then went to my grandmothers for some food & fun. My lil cousins are so funny. I can't help but reflect back to when they were babies and now they're all teenagers/young adults.

Christmas is over...now the New Year is fast approaching. I have so much to be thankful for. Its been a rough year...alot of lessons learned in 2008 and I'm looking forward to 2009. I'm a mommy now of a beautiful, strong & healthy little girl and that's one of the things I'm most happy about and the fact that she may be coming home with me real soon is even better. As I always say, God is so good and if I ever trusted him before, I definitely trust him now. His power is remarkable and I plan to continue to praise him all my life...he is so good. 2009...here I come!!!

CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE.......

Xmas is 2 days away...I really can't believe it. I guess I can say I'm ready, I've done all the shopping that I'm going to do and it wasn't much. I'm just looking forward to some time off, chilling with the family, eating some good food and celebrating Nina's first Xmas. I'm trying to get myself built up so I won't be too emotional not having her with me on Xmas. I know she's doing well and that she will be home soon enough. The NICU is having a brunch for the families of the baby's who will be in the hospital for the holidays; I thought that was very nice so I made sure I changed my day off to be there. I think it will be nice to be able to chat with some of the folks who are going through what I'm going through or have been down this road before. What brings me great joy is that I know my baby girl time is winding down and she's getting closer to coming home. She's impressing the folks at the hospital...way ahead of her lil' time. She's a fighter(her Dad says she gets that from him)and she is proving that to us everyday. So with the holidays fast approaching, I'm so blessed for so many reasons. All the superficial stuff doesn't even matter anymore.

POWERFUL QUOTE

This morning, I came across this quote while reading my morning inspiration booklet, and I had to post it...

"A miracle needs no explanation to those who believe in God; to those who don't, no explanantion is enough."

This confirms what I've been thinking all along, especially lately. So many miracles have been unfolding right in front of my very eyes and I know its the work of God. Sometimes when I try to explain myself, I become speechless because I become overwhelmed...God is amazing!!!

First Day Back

I made it...my first day back to work after being off for 8 weeks. It wasn't too bad getting up, driving to the bus stop or getting back in the swing of things but once I thought about being so far away from Nina, I lost it. Out of nowhere, I began to cry...I was missing her...concerned that if anything happened to her I was all the way in DC and I couldn't just jump in my car and get to her. Oh my goodnes...it just hit me out of nowhere and I began to cry like crazy. I got myself together after talking to mom and she explained to me that all mother's go through a series of emotions when they have to leave their child & go back to work. And it doesn't stop there, I got the rest of Nina's life to be worried about her: first day of school, prom, college...I'm just getting started. The more people kept asking about her, the more anxious I got about getting off from work & getting to her.

Once I got on the bus, all I could think about is getting Nina and kissing her. I literally ran to her room when I got to the hospital and what was even funnier was as I was driving to the hospital to see her, so was her Daddy. I guess he was missing her too. When I got to her room, she immedidately opened her eyes and began smiling & kicking...she missed me too. Since I've been on maternity leave, shes used to me coming to the hospital and spending hours with her. Today was a bit different because I only had 1 1/2 hours to hold her before I had to get home and get ready for work. I'm already anxious about seeinig her tomorrow. I can't wait to be able to have her home with me. She is going to get so many hugs & kisses. So tomorrow, its back to the drawing board. I will be going back in the office tomorrow and hopefully I can get some much needed work done. But what I'm most looking forward to is seeing my baby girl when I get off.

Back to the Basics...

Tomorrow, I return to work from being off for 8 weeks on maternity leave. It feels kinda strange returning to work knowing that I will be going back out on maternity leave as soon as Nina comes home. I'm restless...I'm so used to going to bed late and now I have to make myself go to bed so I can get up. The crazy thing is, since I've been home on maternity leave, I'm up every 3 hours pumping...so that whole 'get your rest before the baby comes home' really doesn't apply to me because I'm up already. I'm trying not to focus on how different my days are going to be...bringing my breast pump to work & having to pump 3 times while at work; having to go see my baby girl after I get off(I don't mind) and making sure I spend some time with her; trying to get home and get into the routine of being on a schedule...its all so overwhelming to thnk about but I know I'm going to be ok.

Time is Flying....Xmas is almost here



Oh my goodness, Christmas is almost here. Everytime I walk in the stores I'm constantly reminded of the fact that time is flying. Of course, in some instances, time is moving very slow for me but, I can't believe that its only 14 days til Xmas. I'm not doing all the shopping & stuff that I normally do. I had already planned not to when I was pregnant & now that Nina is here, I'm too consumed to do alot of shopping plus, with a new baby...money is tight. But it doesn't matter, I have the best Xmas gift I could ever want, and that's my baby girl. Even though she won't be home for her first Xmas, the fact that she's here is all that matters.

Today was a Good Day

Like any ordinary day, I go and spend some time with my baby girl. Normally, I sit and talk to her, sing to her and at the end of my vist, I always pray for her. Lately, she's been so alert...I walk in her room and her eyes are wide open looking around. Now that she's beginning to be up more, its harder for me to leave her because I think she recognizes that I'm leaving her once again & it saddens my heart.

Today was a happy/emotional day. Nina's nurse suggested that I give her a bath...not a wipe down, but a bath. I was a nervous wreck. Being that she's still small, I wasn't sure how it was going to work but, it did. Simple things like washing her face, hair & her little feet made me all tickly...I was super excited. She cried for a minute because she had to get used to being in the water but she began to relax and enjoy her bath. The nurse thought that it would be nice for me to experience bathing her because not only would it be another way of us bonding but, I will in fact have to get used to bathing her once she comes home.

I also got the opportunity to feed her(nurse) for the first time. It was so...I can't put it in words. Just to be able to give my baby something that nobody else could give her just confirmed just how happy I am to be her mommy. Her nurse was really excited on how well Nina did with bathng & nursing...she's becoming to be such a big girl. Its still a rough road being the parent of a preemie but each day is getting a little easier. Its so funny, nothing else really matters right now...just being there for Nina is what makes me smile.

Oh boy, my life has changed so much...never expected to feel the way I'm feeling, but its great. I've had to grow up really fast and even though Nina is not at home with me, I feel the load of being a parent already.

My Baby Girl is the BEST!!!

I am so proud of my baby girl. She is just fighting...and I'm so happy. I just spoke with her nurse and she told me that my Nina has graduated to more feedings, less oxygen and gained more grams. WAY TO GO NINA!!! It always makes my heart happy to get good reports. Everyday is still a struggle for me. I'm always wondering if she's ok and if she's going to be ok. I make sure that I ask so many questions when I talk to her nurses and they really appreciate it when I do. So its been 47 days since Nina's been born and she's now 2pds 5 ozs. She's filling in so much. I remember when I could hold her with one hand, nowadays, I'm holding her with both hands. She's is so adorable...I love her so much. Nina Nicole, you are the BEST, Mommy loves you so much!!!!

I Love My Baby Girl Nina!!!

Being a mother is new for me. Some days I still can't believe that she's here. When I visit her, I just stare at her in amazement...she's mine...and God has blessed me with such a beautiful little girl. When I hold her, I just can't stop kissing her, smelling, squeezing and staring at her. She's everything to me. Each day she's progressing...growing into a big girl(all 2 pounds of her). This road of being a preemie parent isn't easy, but in the last few weeks it has gotten better. My baby girl is tolerating her feedings, doing well with her breathing, all her bodily functions are working...she's just doing so well. Me & her Daddy can't wait for her to come home and all my friends & family are anxiously awaiting for her to get the opportunity to spoil her. I thank God for my precious Nina....I love her so much.

Giving Thanks

With so much going on in the last few months, I'm still able to give thanks for everything that God has blessed me with. And even though some days are a little rough, I'm still able to reflect on the many blessings and all I can say is "thanks" because God is so good. With the holidays here, I haven't been truly in the greatest mood due to the fact that I'm dealing with not having my baby girl home with me. But, I think about how she's here, breathing, growing & progressing and all I can do is be thankful for her. She's in the best place right now, getting the best care and all I can do is be grateful.

On Thanksgiving, I was able to enjoy myself a little. I went to visit some family and then Will & I went to spend some time with our baby girl. It amazes me how she recognizes us as soon as we enter her room. It makes my heart so happy when she kicks and smiles for me when I say her name, or how she struggles to keep her eyes open and grabs the tip of Will's finger when he talks to her. These little things are very big to us and I'm forever thankful for God picking her just for me.

My life is starting to get back to normal. I'm feeling more like myself lately instead of a crazy woman. I've been able to take care of some business, get the house cleaned and even start doing some of the things I love like baking. In the next ew weeks I'll be returning to work until Nina is able to come home. I truly miss being productive but I know that I needed to be home to heal.

So many reasons to be thankful...so many reasons to smile...so many reasons to give God the praise...so many reasons to live...