CHRISTMAS..What a wonderful Surprise!!!





Christmas was wonderful. In spite of Nina being in the hospital, it turned out very well. It started with me being a little down on Xmas Eve; just hated that I had to spend another holiday with out baby girl but I got myself together. Xmas morning started with the family tradition of breakfast. When Will & arrived at my aunts, I noticed my mom had a shirt on with what I thought was Nina's face...and it was. Once I started to look around, I noticed the WHOLE family with shirts with Nina's face. When I say the whole family, that included the babies & all. I lost it...I was already emotional but I broke all the way down. I thought it was the sweetest thing they could've done-I totally didn't expect it. They wanted to make sure that Nina was with us so seeing her face everywhere I turned was incredible. It made for a better morning because I was very emotional.

I love my family and in spite of our differences, we always come together to support one another. I will never forget what they did for us and when Nina gets older, I will tell her about what her family did for her 1st Christmas. Once breakfast was over, we went to see baby girl. She looked so cute in her red sleeper & Santa hat. I was so-ooo excited to see her(as always). We spent the remainder of the evening with her and then went to my grandmothers for some food & fun. My lil cousins are so funny. I can't help but reflect back to when they were babies and now they're all teenagers/young adults.

Christmas is over...now the New Year is fast approaching. I have so much to be thankful for. Its been a rough year...alot of lessons learned in 2008 and I'm looking forward to 2009. I'm a mommy now of a beautiful, strong & healthy little girl and that's one of the things I'm most happy about and the fact that she may be coming home with me real soon is even better. As I always say, God is so good and if I ever trusted him before, I definitely trust him now. His power is remarkable and I plan to continue to praise him all my life...he is so good. 2009...here I come!!!

CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE.......

Xmas is 2 days away...I really can't believe it. I guess I can say I'm ready, I've done all the shopping that I'm going to do and it wasn't much. I'm just looking forward to some time off, chilling with the family, eating some good food and celebrating Nina's first Xmas. I'm trying to get myself built up so I won't be too emotional not having her with me on Xmas. I know she's doing well and that she will be home soon enough. The NICU is having a brunch for the families of the baby's who will be in the hospital for the holidays; I thought that was very nice so I made sure I changed my day off to be there. I think it will be nice to be able to chat with some of the folks who are going through what I'm going through or have been down this road before. What brings me great joy is that I know my baby girl time is winding down and she's getting closer to coming home. She's impressing the folks at the hospital...way ahead of her lil' time. She's a fighter(her Dad says she gets that from him)and she is proving that to us everyday. So with the holidays fast approaching, I'm so blessed for so many reasons. All the superficial stuff doesn't even matter anymore.

POWERFUL QUOTE

This morning, I came across this quote while reading my morning inspiration booklet, and I had to post it...

"A miracle needs no explanation to those who believe in God; to those who don't, no explanantion is enough."

This confirms what I've been thinking all along, especially lately. So many miracles have been unfolding right in front of my very eyes and I know its the work of God. Sometimes when I try to explain myself, I become speechless because I become overwhelmed...God is amazing!!!

First Day Back

I made it...my first day back to work after being off for 8 weeks. It wasn't too bad getting up, driving to the bus stop or getting back in the swing of things but once I thought about being so far away from Nina, I lost it. Out of nowhere, I began to cry...I was missing her...concerned that if anything happened to her I was all the way in DC and I couldn't just jump in my car and get to her. Oh my goodnes...it just hit me out of nowhere and I began to cry like crazy. I got myself together after talking to mom and she explained to me that all mother's go through a series of emotions when they have to leave their child & go back to work. And it doesn't stop there, I got the rest of Nina's life to be worried about her: first day of school, prom, college...I'm just getting started. The more people kept asking about her, the more anxious I got about getting off from work & getting to her.

Once I got on the bus, all I could think about is getting Nina and kissing her. I literally ran to her room when I got to the hospital and what was even funnier was as I was driving to the hospital to see her, so was her Daddy. I guess he was missing her too. When I got to her room, she immedidately opened her eyes and began smiling & kicking...she missed me too. Since I've been on maternity leave, shes used to me coming to the hospital and spending hours with her. Today was a bit different because I only had 1 1/2 hours to hold her before I had to get home and get ready for work. I'm already anxious about seeinig her tomorrow. I can't wait to be able to have her home with me. She is going to get so many hugs & kisses. So tomorrow, its back to the drawing board. I will be going back in the office tomorrow and hopefully I can get some much needed work done. But what I'm most looking forward to is seeing my baby girl when I get off.

Back to the Basics...

Tomorrow, I return to work from being off for 8 weeks on maternity leave. It feels kinda strange returning to work knowing that I will be going back out on maternity leave as soon as Nina comes home. I'm restless...I'm so used to going to bed late and now I have to make myself go to bed so I can get up. The crazy thing is, since I've been home on maternity leave, I'm up every 3 hours pumping...so that whole 'get your rest before the baby comes home' really doesn't apply to me because I'm up already. I'm trying not to focus on how different my days are going to be...bringing my breast pump to work & having to pump 3 times while at work; having to go see my baby girl after I get off(I don't mind) and making sure I spend some time with her; trying to get home and get into the routine of being on a schedule...its all so overwhelming to thnk about but I know I'm going to be ok.

Time is Flying....Xmas is almost here



Oh my goodness, Christmas is almost here. Everytime I walk in the stores I'm constantly reminded of the fact that time is flying. Of course, in some instances, time is moving very slow for me but, I can't believe that its only 14 days til Xmas. I'm not doing all the shopping & stuff that I normally do. I had already planned not to when I was pregnant & now that Nina is here, I'm too consumed to do alot of shopping plus, with a new baby...money is tight. But it doesn't matter, I have the best Xmas gift I could ever want, and that's my baby girl. Even though she won't be home for her first Xmas, the fact that she's here is all that matters.

Today was a Good Day

Like any ordinary day, I go and spend some time with my baby girl. Normally, I sit and talk to her, sing to her and at the end of my vist, I always pray for her. Lately, she's been so alert...I walk in her room and her eyes are wide open looking around. Now that she's beginning to be up more, its harder for me to leave her because I think she recognizes that I'm leaving her once again & it saddens my heart.

Today was a happy/emotional day. Nina's nurse suggested that I give her a bath...not a wipe down, but a bath. I was a nervous wreck. Being that she's still small, I wasn't sure how it was going to work but, it did. Simple things like washing her face, hair & her little feet made me all tickly...I was super excited. She cried for a minute because she had to get used to being in the water but she began to relax and enjoy her bath. The nurse thought that it would be nice for me to experience bathing her because not only would it be another way of us bonding but, I will in fact have to get used to bathing her once she comes home.

I also got the opportunity to feed her(nurse) for the first time. It was so...I can't put it in words. Just to be able to give my baby something that nobody else could give her just confirmed just how happy I am to be her mommy. Her nurse was really excited on how well Nina did with bathng & nursing...she's becoming to be such a big girl. Its still a rough road being the parent of a preemie but each day is getting a little easier. Its so funny, nothing else really matters right now...just being there for Nina is what makes me smile.

Oh boy, my life has changed so much...never expected to feel the way I'm feeling, but its great. I've had to grow up really fast and even though Nina is not at home with me, I feel the load of being a parent already.

My Baby Girl is the BEST!!!

I am so proud of my baby girl. She is just fighting...and I'm so happy. I just spoke with her nurse and she told me that my Nina has graduated to more feedings, less oxygen and gained more grams. WAY TO GO NINA!!! It always makes my heart happy to get good reports. Everyday is still a struggle for me. I'm always wondering if she's ok and if she's going to be ok. I make sure that I ask so many questions when I talk to her nurses and they really appreciate it when I do. So its been 47 days since Nina's been born and she's now 2pds 5 ozs. She's filling in so much. I remember when I could hold her with one hand, nowadays, I'm holding her with both hands. She's is so adorable...I love her so much. Nina Nicole, you are the BEST, Mommy loves you so much!!!!

I Love My Baby Girl Nina!!!

Being a mother is new for me. Some days I still can't believe that she's here. When I visit her, I just stare at her in amazement...she's mine...and God has blessed me with such a beautiful little girl. When I hold her, I just can't stop kissing her, smelling, squeezing and staring at her. She's everything to me. Each day she's progressing...growing into a big girl(all 2 pounds of her). This road of being a preemie parent isn't easy, but in the last few weeks it has gotten better. My baby girl is tolerating her feedings, doing well with her breathing, all her bodily functions are working...she's just doing so well. Me & her Daddy can't wait for her to come home and all my friends & family are anxiously awaiting for her to get the opportunity to spoil her. I thank God for my precious Nina....I love her so much.

Giving Thanks

With so much going on in the last few months, I'm still able to give thanks for everything that God has blessed me with. And even though some days are a little rough, I'm still able to reflect on the many blessings and all I can say is "thanks" because God is so good. With the holidays here, I haven't been truly in the greatest mood due to the fact that I'm dealing with not having my baby girl home with me. But, I think about how she's here, breathing, growing & progressing and all I can do is be thankful for her. She's in the best place right now, getting the best care and all I can do is be grateful.

On Thanksgiving, I was able to enjoy myself a little. I went to visit some family and then Will & I went to spend some time with our baby girl. It amazes me how she recognizes us as soon as we enter her room. It makes my heart so happy when she kicks and smiles for me when I say her name, or how she struggles to keep her eyes open and grabs the tip of Will's finger when he talks to her. These little things are very big to us and I'm forever thankful for God picking her just for me.

My life is starting to get back to normal. I'm feeling more like myself lately instead of a crazy woman. I've been able to take care of some business, get the house cleaned and even start doing some of the things I love like baking. In the next ew weeks I'll be returning to work until Nina is able to come home. I truly miss being productive but I know that I needed to be home to heal.

So many reasons to be thankful...so many reasons to smile...so many reasons to give God the praise...so many reasons to live...

Things are Getting Better



My baby girl is doing better. The beginning of the week was a struggle for her but she's still fighting. The last few days, she's been doing better on her feedings, breathing and she's even gained a few ounces. I love her so-ooo much...I'm routing for her and I know so many others are as well. Keep up the good work my precious Nina Nicole....Mommy loves you so much!!!!!

Emotional, Overwhelmed, but Trying to Keep it Together


Over the last few weeks, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm home recovering from having my baby and trying to get myself together physically & emotionally. Everyday, I'm at the hospital visiting my baby girl. Its still hard to see her so small but it always gives me great hope when I see her fighting. I love her so much. The life of a preemie parent is a new experience for me and probably one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. I bought a book to help me understand this cycle as well as the terminology used in the NICU by the nurses. I've had the opportunity to talk with some wonderful people who have gone through this same experience and its refreshing to hear them tell me that this is just a moment in time and one day I'll be able to look back and see how I was able to make it through this rough time. Time seems to be moving so slow, I wish I could just fast forward and I could have my baby girl home with me, but I know that this is a process and I must be patient.

I've also wondered why God chose me for this particular situation. I don't normally like to question him but I can't help but to wonder, Why Me? Maybe he feels that I can handle it or maybe he's preparing me to be a support for someone else who will have to go through this as well, I don't know. But, I've been praying like never before because somedays, I really feel like I'm losing it. Today marks 3 weeks that my baby girl was born. I remember the day like it was yesterday. Its still hard to believe that I'm a Mom and this experience has opened my eyes to how much responsibility it is to being a parent. Nina is everything to me. She's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I just pray that God continues to strengthen Nina and help her to keep fighting and to help me deal with my emotions and become stronger.

MY BABY IS HERE!!!

On Tuesday, October 21st, I delivered my baby girl, Nina Nicole Brewster. She arrived at 5:35am by emergency C-Section and she came 3 months early. She weighed
1pd/6ozs & 11 1/2 inches long. I didn't expect her to arrive so soon but for some reason, she decided that she needed to arrive early. The whole ordeal has me emotionally drained but I'm grateful that God allowed her to make it. Now, she's fighting to grow stronger & healthier so I can bring her home. The Dr.s estimate that she will be under the care of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for at least 2 months and although I wish I could bring her home with me, I know she's in the best place, getting the best care. Everyday that I visit her is hard because I hate to leave her. I know she knows that I love her and she makes it known when she squeezes my finger. I never thought that I would be so in love with someone...I knew I loved her the first time I laid eyes on her. Its amazing to feel so much love for someone.
I hear that for the next 2 months, I will be on an emotional rollercoaster. Preemies have a way of having really good periods and they're usually followed by several setbacks. I've always felt that I was a pretty strong woman but I feel like I'm breaking down, but I have to constantly remind myself that Nina needs me and I know she feeds off of my strength so I have to be strong for her. But its so hard. I know that God can do anything and I'm trusting in him to help me to be strong, patient, optimistic & confident and I'm trusting in him to help my baby girl to continue to fight.
This whole experience has humbled me to know end. It also has confirmed that no matter how much you plan, things are going to go the way that God wants them to go. I still don't understand why God has chose me to go through this experience, but I'm assuming that he feels that I can handle it. There are so many prayers going up for Nina. Everyday someone is calling me to let me know that they're praying for both Nina & I and I'm very thankful. Ms. Nina Nicole is my everything...everything I do from here on out is to make a better life for her. She deserves the best and I know that God chose her just for me. And even though during this time I feel like I'm going crazy, I thank God for all his blessings, especially my precious baby Nina.

TGIF!!!!!!!

Today is the end of a very long week. It always seems that when a holiday falls on a Monday, it takes forever for Friday to get here. I'm ecstatic about the weekend, and even though I really don't have anything to do, just knowing that I can sleep in tomorrow and Sunday if I want too is alright with me.

The weather is cooling off and its suppose to be kinda chilly this weekend(my type of weather) so I'm looking forward to opening my doors and letting some fresh air blow through the house. My sister and I are going to try and get rid of some unnecessary things I have in my spare room and I know she's looking forward to leaving with a bag full of clothes. My sis & I are very close, but now that she has a niece/nephew coming, we have been spending alot of time together and I'm luvin it.

I think I'm in the mood for cooking & baking this weekend so I may make main man his lasagna he's been asking for and even bake a cake or 2. I don't know where all this energy is coming from, but I'm going to embrace it. I'm looking for another good book to read so I'll probably go to the bookstore and I plan to just kick back for the most part this weekend. I'm off on Monday and I have 2 Dr.s appointments so that means my day off will be pretty full. Anyway, Friday is here, my day here at work is almost over and I'm happy(: TGIF!!!!!!

The Debate....I'm so ready for Nov. 4th

Last night I made sure I stayed up to watch the debate and I'm not sure if I'm feeling frustrated or optimistic. The last debate made me really upset...all the attacks being thrown and not dealing with the issues just made me turn the TV halfway through it. But this time I decided to give it another shot, being that it was the last debate before the election. If I ever thought before, I believe that this whole election is turning into a race war on both sides. There are people who are voting for McCain just because they don't want a black man in office. They haven't taken the time to listen to what his plans for this country is, they just know they don't want a black man in the White House. Now, they're are people who are voting for Obama solely on him being a black man. They feel that just because his skin looks just like theirs, that no matter what his plans for the country is, they're going to vote for him. I believe that people should vote for the person who's going to give them hope as far as finances, education, health care, etc....

I liked the way Obama carried himself last night. It made me feel confident that with all the stuff that he's going to have to clean up after the Bush Administration leaves, that he's not going to let America see him sweat. I'm sure he knows what he has in front of him and I believe that he's ready to take all of it on. On the other hand, I realize that he's not perfect...he has some weak points as well but, I think he recognizes those areas and has a great team surrounding him to assist him . The debate overall gave me a headache...but I stayed up to watch it so I could be sure that I heard the information first hand.

I feel that MCain is afraid that he is going to lose to Obama. The look in his eyes scared me...I thought he would go into cardiac arrest last night. I'm not too sure that he won't have to be admitted if Obama does win the election. I'm going to continue to pray...this world is never going to be the same either way...if Obama or McCain wins. I'm so ready for this election...I'm counting down the days 19 more days.

Is it Just Me...????

It just seems that everyone is going through something. People are struggling financially, loved ones are falling ill or dying, relationships are crumbling, families are bickering...what is going on? In the last few weeks, I've talked to several people who are just going through some serious hardships. What do you say to someone who's hurting? In my case, sometimes I just stay silent and other times I offer words of encouragement. With so much going on in the world, it appears that people are giving up.

I myself have dealt with several issues but at this time, I'm trying to stay as stress free as possible. But its hard when the bills are piling up and debts still need to be paid; people I care about need me for support; when you're not seeing eye-to-eye with people....just so much. During these times, everyone needs to just try and keep their heads up and keep pushing. Trouble doesn't last always...I'm a witness.

The Weekend...

Just returning to work from a long weekend and I must say it was nice. Friday kicked off with me going to get a pedicure only to realize that my ankles were swollen. The pedicure felt really good but I think the warm water made them swell even more so...I went straight home & got in the bed to elevate my feet. My diet on Friday consisted of McDonalds for breakfast & pizza for lunch...now I know those 2 things will have to be put on hold until the baby gets here.

My sister came down to spend the night with me and brought her precious stepson with her. He ran all through my house, pulled things out of place & spilled food & snacks everywhere, but I loved it. Will & I got our practice watching what we have in store for us in the next year. Saturday, I woke up with a minor scare(spotting), but my Dr. ensured that I was ok & to just take it easy. So we did absolutely nothing on Saturday. Laid around, got something to eat and watched movies...the story of my life right now. I have never chilled this much in my life but I know that I must do this for the sake of this pregnancy. Nikki & Cy left in the afternoon on Saturday and I really wanted them to stay longer so I could play with him, but they had to go. My girl Nellie stopped up to see me Sat. evening and we had a good time chatting(as usual).

Sunday, I had planned to go to church but those plans changed due to the situation on Sat. I picked up my god-daughter and spent some time with her. We went to breakfast & to the store and rode around talking. She'll be 13 next month so we had alot to talk about. She is very excited about becoming a big god-sister and I plan to let her help me as much as she likes. Sunday aftenoon, we did nothing...chilled & watched tv(this is becoming routine). I don't think him & I have ever been this still since we've been dating. He seems to be enjoying the quiet time & I'm pulling my hair out wanting to hit the streets(lol). Monday 2 of my girls(Tiff & Chelle) came to visit. They haven't seen me since I became pregnant and they were so excited. Its funny to see my girls react to the news and when they see me, its so funny to see how excited they are about me becoming a mommy. I know everyone has been waiting for this day but its just funny to see everyone's reaction. My girl Smiley & I went to lunch after the girls left and then I came home to try & chill.

I luv long weekends...

Random Thoughts

Yesterday was a pretty good day overall. The weather was beautiful and that made the day even better. My normal routine nowadays is after work, I come home & chill and I did just that. I thought I would get out to enjoy some of these last days of warm weather but I opted to chill & finish reading. In the last month, I've read 3 books: E. Lynn Harris new book, "Cooked" by Jeff Henderson and Faith Evans biography. All 3 of these books were good but I must say that Faith Evans, "Keep the Faith" is a must-read. That young lady went through so much and now alot of things that I read about her in the tabloids back in the late 90's has been cleared up. I always loved her music but I respect her more as an artist and a person now that I've read her book.

Also, I began to get rid of unnecessary papers & stuff so I can get the house ready for the baby. I try to do a little bit at a time because it can be overwhelming. During my cleaning session, I came across one of my journals and end up reading it & couldn't put it down. Its so funny to look back on some of the things I was doing & going through. Some things I laughed about, some got me upset and there were even things that made me mad all over again. Although it was "old"material & things that happened in the past, its funny how just reading something can spark up the same feelings you had days, months or years ago.

Today is Friday and I'm looking forward to my long weekend. I don't have any concrete plans, but just that fact that I have the option to do absolutely nothing if I don't want to excites me. This evening I have a pedicure appt. and that's a must even in the cold weather. I don't understand why people feel that they can neglect their feet in the colder months...just because your toes won't be exposed doesn't mean your feet has to be tore up. But I'm the exception(so I've been told), I just like to be pampered...I live for it. Plus I like nice things & look good, so, maybe I'll go shopping this weekend too(lol).

I'm feeling being pregnant right now. Actually, I think I look cute(*wink*). I always wondered what I would look like once I became pregnant & I must admit that so far, I'm feeling it. I admire myself all the time in the mirror & its amazing to see my stomach growing & stretching but I'm still carrying it real sexy. Everyone is threatening me about "blowing up" in the next few months. Well, if that should happen, I'll be fine. I'm going on 6 months and I can still run with the best of them. I'm just having fun watching all the changes occurring & anxiously waiting for my baby to get here.

I'M BACK!!!

Its been a while since I've had the opportunity to blog. So many people have been asking me what happened to my blog entries, but so much has gone on & not enough time to write but I plan to do better.

For starters, the summer was good. Didn't get the opportunity to go on vacation this year but I did get to experience New Orleans for a week(work-related), so I guess I can chalk that up as a vacation. I enjoyed my stay in New Orleans, the food was excellent, the people were nice and I got a chance to visit the disaster areas from Hurricane Katrina(very sad). I do plan to go back & visit sometime next year so I can really do some touring shopping & maybe some drinking(lol).

I also found out very early in the summer that I was pregnant...yep, I'm expecting a baby in February. I found out late May that I was "with child" and I cried for 2 weeks straight. Not necessarily tears of joy, but tears of shock, excitement, nervousness, happiness....a whole flood of emotions came over me. I didn't share the news with too many people(only the people who mattered) because I wanted to get through the 1st trimester(which I hear is the riskiest). In the first 3 months, I had some complications that landed me in the hospital twice and on bed rest a few times. I began to wonder if waiting until I was 36 years of age was a good idea, but I know that if I had done this 5-10 years ago, I'm not sure if I would've been mentally ready. So here I am, 5 months pregnant, soon to be 6 months...moving right along. I'm getting excited & mentally prepared for this new life of mine.

Its funny how things can happen in life that will cause you to change up your whole mindset. I've been forced to slow down(due to pregnancy) so now it seems that all I have is time to sit and think. I find myself writing more(I needed too), praying alot(always a good thing), reading more(something I had stopped doing) and just not taking life for granted. So, here I am with a new life inside of me, starting a new life, maturing, learning new things...so much.

So for now, that's what's been going on. Now, no one has to wonder anymore, what I'm up to-I'M BACK!!!!!(:

" Be Careful What U PrayFor..."

My mom has always told me this growing up and even as I get older, she always makes it clear...be careful what u pray for. I'm always praying for & about something, I communicate with God all day about everything. Lately, I find myself at the oddest time praying for things and I must say that God continues to answer. Recently I'm been praying for peace & tranquility and what do u know, I've discovered this calm that I can't even describe. Things that normally bother me don't anymore(or not as much), people who try to get under my skin don't stand a chance, any & everything that would normally worry me, don't anymore so I say, hallelujiah for the peace. There are other areas in my life that I've been praying about and all those things are happening & being revealed to me daily...God is so good. I must say that life can present some very interesting things. One day you think u can predict whats going to happen the next and what happens...something totally out of the norm. Luckily, I can say that lately, things have been good. So many wonderful things are happening for me right now...I can't wait to see how life will be in this time next year...exciting!!!!

Today, I'm tired..can't wait to get on the bus to take a nap before I get home to do my regular evening stuff. The week is going by pretty slow but I'm not going to complain. I have a job, a home, a car, food, money, clothes...alot of things that people can't just say they have so once again, I'm grateful. Oh, need I mention, peope who love me....who are surrounding me with so much love...so much that sometimes I don't even feel worthy. As I pack up for the day, I'm sure that I'll be praying once again...not just for God to make something happen, but just praying, thanking him for who he is in my life.