It's a time for everything

My father called me the other day...he was talking to me like he's been in my life forever...needless to say, he hasn't really been in my life foreal. I've known him all my life, he's done a few things for me while growing up, but was he really a Daddy...nah, he really wasn't. All my life, I always felt like I was a Daddy's girl...but only if I had one. I always longed for a relationship with him, to be able to call him and tell him about the knucklehead men I've dealt with, to try and get some advice on growing up, someone to teach me what to expect from a man...just simple things(at least I think so). But needless to say, he never stepped up to do the little things, so the big things(like helping me select my first car, showing me how change oil or a flat tire, giving me some advice on purchasing my first home...) I never even thought about asking him about.

He showed up for my high school graduation, called when I made big accomplishments in my life(after hearing it from someone else), and oh yeah, when I got in a terrible car accident & almost died back in 1989...he called to Shock Trauma and acted a fool with the doctors cause he wanted to know how his child was...WOW!!! So again, my father has been in & out of my life for all of my 35 years...and at times he's goes missing in action for a few years but lately, he's been reaching out for a relationship. What do I do now?

He's sick right now, I hear that he's sicker than he's letting on but let him tell it, he's just fine so...I go with his story. Now he wants to talk, spend time, take family pictures and finally come to see the house that I purchased all by myself...without a Daddy to lead me and pat me on the back and say, "you're doing good." I thought I would be bitter with him, but in actuality, I feel sorry for him. He missed out on alot...he has so much catching up to do...I don't know if he'll have time. I wish he wouldn't have let so much time get away from us...now we have to deal with the awkwardness when we're around one another, the silence over the phone when there's nothing else to talk about...hmn...

He knows nothing about me...meaning the little things like, my favorite color, my favorite food, my majors in college, what makes me happy, what makes me sad and I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't know my birthday...this is deep. So, I say this today...I love my father, I don't know if he loves me....he says he does...I guess I believe him...he's trying, so I'm not going to knock him over the head for all the times he made me promises that he never kept, or allowing my mother to raise me by herself or letting me learn about men the hard way...nah, I'm not mad...I just feel sorry for him. But a little of me is excited about possibly being able to sit down with this man and tell him all about his oldest daughter...the one who always wished to be a Daddy's girl...