Today is one of those days where I feel like nobody understands me. I'm dealing with some heavy personal issues right now and I don't feel like I can express it to anyone...I just don't think anyone would understand. Its a long weekend for me, I'm going out of town and I should be excited...but everything else around me is distracting me from looking forward to this 3 day getaway.

Today, I want to just pack up my things, sell my house and move to another state. I think if I do that, I can escape some of the issues that I'm dealing with. Why don't people realize that I can't save everybody...sometimes I can't save my damn self. Its enough work dealing with myself and all my crap...but to deal with others crap is just too much sometimes.

People that I love are hurting & confused...I'm trying to help them to heal but in the process, I'm feeling down...I know I can't save the world but I hate to see people that I love hurt and/or do stupid things.

Today is just not a good day but I swear that I'm going to do everything to make it better. I'm challenging myself to come out of this funk by noon today.

"Everyday I'm Hustling.........."

Whoa...this weekend was one of those weekends when I agree with my girls when they call me the lil' Jamaican...I was on my grind this weekend. The kids go back to school this week and I was busy doing hair all weekend. I had a few hours to get myself together but for the most part I was hustling. Friday I didn't make it to work therefore I had the opportunity to get an early start. Saturday morning, I was up early gettin' it in and didn't finish until late that evening. Sunday morning, I was back at it again...getting all the kiddies done for the first day of school(I don't normally work on the Lord's day).
Although I was tired, I went to the movies with main man on Saturday. I don't understand why everything he picks to see at the movies has to be alot of shooting & killing(WTF). We went to D&B for some food & drinks afterwards. On Sunday, mom & Ganny came over for a bit, along with sister. Main man wanted dinner, so I hooked that up and then we went to TCBY for dessert(yep, we drove all the way to Columbia for frozen yogurt). He was supposed to hang out with the fellas but I guess he had second thoughts and wanted to chill with mama for the day(isn't that sweet).
So...the weekend was cool...very busy but its just one of those things. That's the story of my life...hustling & grinding...somebody's gotta do it.

"Faith....its something about that word"

On Sunday evening, main man had an emergency at his job that he had to handle and I end up riding with him why he handled the situation. While waiting in the lobby for him, I end up having a conversation with the concierge at the front desk. He was a foreigner and we began just chatting about things that were going on in the world and how God is sending signs to let the world know he's on his way back. Well...to make a long story short, he began telling me how he was raised a Muslim but heard the voice of God at a very young age. He kept this from his parents who were Muslims cause he knew they would condemn him. Late one night he responded to the voice by praying and giving God thanks and his mother overheard, who in turn told his father. His father chastised him and told him that he had heard that he had become a christian and he put him out of the house(he was only 13). This started years of doors being closed in his face and being homeless because his family had threatened anyone who took him in...but through it all, this young boy never denied his faith and what he believed in, he stood firm. Years later, he finally made it to this country through a missionary who brought his story to the State Department, and he ended up coming to this country. He struggled once he got here, not having any skills or speaking little English but people who saw the God in him and knew that he stood firm in his beliefs looked out for him and gave him opportunities that he would've never imagined.
Today, this grown man is doing well, God has sent him a wife who he's anxiously waiting to get to the US by the end of the year, he has 2 well paying jobs and most of all, he's still a soldier for the Lord...his belief is stronger than ever. He expressed to me that it was only God that helped him to make it through all the homelessness, the betrayal from his family, the threats from his country, the odd jobs that he had to take just to support himself & most of all, getting him here to the US....a true example of a person who remained faithful to God in spite of adversity.

This encounter with this man touched me so much...I was so glad to have had the opportunity to speak with him because it made me search deep within. I know that God is who he is and I know my faith has been tested on numerous occasions but, talking to this man made me realize that if he could go through all that he did and still be able to trust God...I know that when things get rough for me & I begin to wonder, "where are u God" if I just continue to pray, and not give up on him and just stand still...I know that I will hear from him and he will come through for me...he always does. Not that I ever doubted him..but just to hear a testimony such as this man's confirmed once again that God is who he said he is...and I'm so glad to be a child of his because I know that without him, I'm nothing. My faith is sometimes tested but I will NEVER stop trusting & believing in him...no matter what.

Nothing Special...Just thankful for a long weekend.

This weekend was cool...didn't do too much but I'm still very tired. I was off on Friday since I had to come in on my day off for a presentation. I returned to work last week from being off for 6 days (conference in Florida) and my work week was super busy. I received 2 awards last week at work(I'm so proud of me). Thursday evening, I went to pickup god-daughter #2(Ahteona) so she could spend the night with me...I was so happy to see her, and from the big smile on her face, she was happy to see me too. We came back to the house & chilled, I did her hair and she just kicked back. She is so pretty(just like her mom Keya) and so well mannered. My girl Keya has raised her well. Friday, we hing out, took her to the mall and bought her a few things (she wasn't expecting that) and then later that evening, I had to take her back to her Dad(she was upset). It made my heart heavy that she didn't want to go but I was a little tickled that she wanted to stay with me...I guess I still get cool points for being a great godmommy/auntie.
My Saturday was back to normal, doing hair all day. I chilled for the remainder of the evening and had planned to have a very quiet, evening alone until...main man came down and he decided once he got to the house that he didn't want to hang out with his boys...so...
Got up Sunday morning and didn't make churhc so I decided to pick up godaughter #3(Myriah). She's been trying to get me to pickup her up and do something so I scooped her and we went to brunch(Jaspers) and shopping(once again, in the stores). I had a good time with her and I know that's all she wanted was some attention from her godmother since I've been so busy. I had to go in Mommy mode with her and school her about somethings(I hate being a disciplinary) but we got it together and Ms, Lady is going to be fine.
Came home, cooked dinner(it was so good) and did somethings around the house. Main man was starving prior to coming to the house(he always says that) so he ate dinner like it was his last supper(he thinks I'm the best cook) and we kicked back. My sister came over(I love her so-ooo much) and the 3 of us talked a little, and then her & I went to see Mom & Ganny.
To top the weekend off, main man & I went and had ice cream and sat outside & ate it(that was so cute) and just talked. I haven't worked a full week in almost 3 weeks so I turned in early so I could get ready for today.....nothing exciting, but thank god for the weekends.

BRICKS....Keep Em' Coming

WOW....today has been one of those days...so much going on and every time I think I've heard enough, something else happens. Each time I'm confronted with something, its like another brick being laid...I feel like someone is building a house on top of me...I'm heavy.
After returning from a wonderful 6 days in Florida(that blog is coming soon), I find out that my grandmother & mother both had been hospitalized. Both of them were confined to the bed for different reasons but the bottom line, the both of them weren't feeling well. So I automatically go into over-drive to make sure the both of them are comfortable & getting back to their normal selves. Then I turn around and get some bad news about my father being VERY ill(that's another blog)...now I'm wondering, what am I to do? Am I to step up and try to be there for him after almost 35 years of my life, him not really being there for me(heavy stuff...)? Then, I find that family members are ungrateful, selfish, ghetto, ignorant...some people no matter what, just don't see a reason to change for the better. Then...everyone seems to think I have Bank of America taped to my forehead...WOW...I do have my own bills, and personal things that I need MY money for. I don't work 40 hours a week for everyone else's issues(whoa...). And...my house isn't clean...I've been home for almost a 5 days now and I can't seem to get motivated to clean my house...wash clothes & unpack my suitcase. My car has to go in the shop on Friday and that's about $800-$900 dollars to get a major service done...like I said, I'm heavy.
I'm getting off from work to go to the dentist to get my crown ($750) put on, I have some errands to run when I really just want to go home...oh, by the way, its 102 degrees outside today.....bricks...major bricks being laid on me today...but I'm going to be ok....and this too shall pass.

Tag...I'm It!!!!

Thanks to my lil' sis, "It Is What It Is" I've been officially tagged. I've been ordered to list eight random facts/habits about myself, post them and choose eight people to tag so they can do the same. Well...none of my friends blog and the people who introduced me to this blog world (It Is What it Is and Golden Time of Day) have already been tagged. So, I'm just going to tag myself. Here it goes:

1. Salad is my favorite food.
I eat salad at least once a day. People always think I'm dieting because I'm always eating a salad, but that's not the case, I just love salad.

2. I smell everything.
I have this weird habit of smelling everything, especially food. If it doesn't smell right, I'm not eating it. By the way, I love the smell of gasoline(lol).

3. I have an alter-ego.
Only a select few people have had the opportunity to come in contact with her. She's that other person that lives inside of me who I sometimes blame for the behavior that I(Michyle) would never have the guts to do.

4. I'm claustrophobic
I've being struggling with this phobia since I was a kid. I'm trying to work my way through it and I think I'm getting there. I have the biggest fear of elevators, tunnels & any closed in places.

5. I'm in love with a thug
I'm in love with Lil' Wayne...that's my thug crush. I've had a crush on him ever since he was 14 singing, "The Block is Hot" and now that he's legal, I would love to bump into him so I can just whisper, "The Baby" in his ear(lol).

6. My favorite color is Yellow .

7. I love to write
I write poetry & short stories. One of my poems actually was published. One day I plan to slow down and do something with all the things I've wrote over the years instead of letting them sit in my folder and collect dust. I also use to be a freelance writer for a local newspaper.

8. I'm a restaurant connoisseur
I love to go out to nice restaurants and there aren't too many that I haven't experienced. Most of friends & family come to me to recommend a nice place to eat. I use to be a part-time restaurant reviewer.

"I'm Feeling Real Good about my Life-Today"

Well...what can I say, today's a good day. The sun is shining, the weather is just right, I got money in the bank, fly clothes in the closet, food in the fridge, friends who love me, family who support me, a wonderful relationship with God, I'm stable, I'm not on drugs, I got a good job, I'm in shape...I feel good, I look good....life is good.

I woke up this morning, refreshed...with a better attitude, seeing life in a whole new light...I'm alright today. Last night, after coming from the gym, I got a chance to lay back & just reflect on some of the things I've been dealing with and I had to come to the realization that no matter what I go through in life, it can't be so bad. Its up to me to decide if I want to deal with certain things & people, if I want to tackle obstacles & hurdles or just be, if I want to hear peoples problems or do I want to work on my own, do I want to try to impress people or just be the best person I can be...its all up to me.

So, today, I decided to be happy-go-lucky me. I'm smiling cause it makes me look prettier, I'm strutting because it enhances my swagger, I'm speaking positive things because when I speak it-it happens, I'm cherishing every minute of life because tomorrow's not promised and I'm just going to keep on being the best me I can.

Spoiled...Selfish..Self-Centered...call it what u want, that's just ME!!!

I'm dealing with an issue where I think I need to check myself, but right now, I just don't want too. What's wrong with me wanting what I want, when I want it, how I want it and under any circumstances that I want? Yep...I have this rotten spoiled little girl that lives inside of me who acts out when things don't go my way...basically I'm having a damn tantrum right now.

I just read my horoscope for the day and it clearly states, "You can't expect to have everything you want-especially not all at the same time. Like it or not, you'll have to pick and choose." That is a prophetic word straight from the stars & planets-whateva.

I'm so used to having things my way...I know that its very wrong for me to think the world revolves around me and that my problems & situations should be dealt with immediately and in the best interest of ME but so what...that's how I'm feeling right now....WHY CAN"T THINGS GO MY WAY?

A friend of mine has told me that I need to "pause" and think about whether its best for me to have my way right now, will it benefit me and others around me if I get my way and will the outcome of me getting my way be in the best interest of ME in the future. I'm so not in the future right now...I'm in my feelings and I'm in the right now...so.....I'm throwing a mental tantrum right now and I need to be checked(lol).

I'm sure after I throw this tantrum and turn back into an adult within the next few hours...I'll see the reality of the current situation that has me acting out. But that's what I do....I'm spoiled...I'm rotten....and guess what....I'll get over it. I always do.

A Real Chill Weekend

I'm just returning back to work from being off for 6 days straight(including the weekend) and I must say that was just what the doctor ordered. After a very uneventful Independence Day, I decided that a few extras days off wouldn't hurt so, I did just that...took off. I took care of alot of business that I wouldn't normally get a chance to do and I just chilled...alot of rest for this chick.

Friday night, my girl Tiff & I stepped out for some drinks and something to eat. We hung out with some of the craziest fellas I know(D, Fi & Slaught). I must say that I'm glad I decided to get up and do something...its been a long time since I hung out and I must say, that whiskey sour was long overdue. I would've had another one if I wasn't driving(I'm so responsible).

Saturday was a slow morning cause I was on my grind(momma gotta make them $$) but shortly after, I slept like most of the day(I still can't believe it). Main man came over and we decide to do a late dinner at Maggiano's. He requested his momma in a cute sundress so I did that for him and he put on a little grown & sexy attire and we hit the town...the evening was very nice.

Sunday morning, I over slept so I didn't make it to church. I got a phone call early that morning from a friend who I end up talking with for about an hour or more. I must say that conversation was what I needed. Its always good to have a very "open" convo with someone who you care alot about. I end up running some errands in the hot sun and came home and again, I chilled(sounds kinda boring the more I say it).

Monday, my regular day was filled with alot of running around. The dentist, cleaners, bank and to get my passport(Atlantis here I come). The remainder of the day was filled with getting things done around the house....oh, and the gym of course(gotta get it right for the 2-piece in 2 weeks).
So...my very long weekend was very-very chill. A few exciting things in-between my chill time so overall...it was a good weekend. When I got to work today everyone said that I sound & look so energetic(I should) so to wrap this all up, the rest & chill time did the body good.
And the next holiday is when?

I Know He loves Me....

This man...umn...I know its love. I recognize it everytime I say I want to give up but I fight to keep it together. Relationships can be such a strain...and being that I have been in enough of them to recognize..I know that this one is very different.
The way he looks at me when I piss him off makes me cringe, but his tone when he says he loves me makes me know that everything is going to be ok. Why can't I just accept that he really loves me without complicating things? I know I'm spoiled but I'm truly learning that things aren't always going to go my way and that I'm not always right(that's hard).
So today is one of many days where I'm blessed to have him in my life...I must say that its been so much sweeter with him in it. I can be me...with all the good & bad that comes with me. I can be stuck-up, ghetto, loud, quiet, emotional, excited...he accepts all of me and I'm blessed.
Maybe I need to start telling him more that I appreciate him for all he's done for me, himself & us. My...the changes that he's made, the transformation, all for the sake of love...him loving me.
I know he adores me, I know he loves me and for that alone, I need to tell him that I appreciate him.
Yep, that's what I'll do.

"I Crack My Own Self Up"


The funniest thing happened to me yesterday. I was packing up my things to leave the building to go home. I must've got side-tracked from talking to my co-worker on the way out but anyway, as I was going down the steps I realized I really had to go to the bathroom and I only had 8 minutes to walk & catch my bus. The last thing I wanted to do was hold my urine on my 45 minute commute home. I rushed to the 1st floor and I realized everyone was going in the opposite direction that I'm used to walking....but anyway, to the bathroom was all I was concerned about. I run into the bathroom, put my bag down and run into the stall. I begin to use the bathroom and I happen to look towards the floor and to to my surprise, in the next stall I spot men's shoes....WTF!!!! I immediately go into panic mode....and I'm thinking, I know a man is not in the women's bathroom. Then I began to wonder, maybe I'm in the men's bathroom. I noticed when I ran into the restroom that it looked slightly different from the one on my floor but with all the remodeling going on in my building, that wouldn't be strange.

Well, to my surprise, I was in fact in the men's restroom-WOW!!! I immediately panicked. I cut what I was doing short, pants weren't even zipped up, I opened the door & grabbed my bag & made a dash for the door. I looked both ways (to make sure I didn't bump into any men), made a dash to the women's bathroom to finish. The funny thing is...I wasn't even embarrassed. All I could do is shake my head and laugh at myself...that was too funny.

I'm Trying to be Nice......

My boyfriend has this saying that he always says to me when I'm ready to do or say something really foul. "Be Nice" is what he tells me and sometimes I change my attitude but other times I say, "I don't want to be nice." Well...today is one of those days...ignorant people have caused me to want to say nasty things, be nasty, basically, I want to slap someone. I sometimes wonder why the devil is so busy, especially a day like today(I don't do Mondays). I wonder why people do some of the things that they do....like intentionally hurt someone's feelings.

This morning I was faced with a dilemma. A person who I love dearly has been going through some turmoil with people whom she thought loved & cared about her but she recently found out that they're assasinating her daily. I'm a person who loves & loves hard. When someone close to me is hurting, I hurt. Today she's discoverd that someone very close to her is trying to break her down and along with that person, others have joined in to help. I know that all of those people are miserable(only miserable people set out to intentionally hurt someone) so I try to keep that in my brain but when I see her hurting the way she is, it makes me want react.

Now, if I react, I will have to suffer some extreme consequences and I'm not sure if these people are worth it. Now, the person that I love & her well-being is worth it, but these animals who are trying to destroy aren't. I don't want to give them the glory of knowing that they have won.

Why do ignorant people feel that they've gained the victory when they hurt people? Why don't they feel bad for the choices they've made? Why don't they feel remorse when they see the hurt in the person's eyes that they've attacked? Why don't they reverse the situation and think about how they would feel if someone were to do the same thing to them? Why can't they just be nice?

I've been in prayer all morning. I tossed & turned all night long. I woke up around 2:30am and couldn't get back to sleep. Was this God's way of preparing me for what was to come this morning? I couldn't even sleep this morning on my commute to work because I was struggling with an angel on my right shoulder & the devil on my left. The devil was telling me to start making some phone calls to curse some folks out, do some visiting to smack some folk and think of some ways to hurt these people. On the other hand, the angel was telling me to continue doing what I was doing, praying, being there for that person who's hurting & remain silent. I don't want the devil to win, I never want him to get his way so.....I guess I have no choice but to BE NICE!!!!

"Another Wonderful Trip to NYC"

Last Sunday, I hosted another bus trip to NYC to see The Color Purple on Broadway. The first time (March 06') was good, but this time, it was awesome. Fantasia was Celie and she played this role like it was made for her. The weather was nice, the bus was filled with very pleasant people and the day just went well.

We started out in Harlem where we had a chance to do some shopping and to eat lunch at Amy Ruth's. The food was so-ooo good. I can't wait to go back to Harlem because I've always wanted to visit and now that I've gone, I know I need to go back to shop, sightsee & most of all, to eat at Amy Ruth's.








Amy Ruth's Home Style Southern Cuisine

113 West 116th Street, Harlem, NY






The play was spectacular. Fantasia was the star of this show. I'm really happy for her because alot of people doubted her ability to perform this role and she's proving those negative people wrong. "GO TASIA"


Fantasia...this role was made for you girl.....you really had the tears flowing.

Fantasia finishing the show up...ENCORE!!! There was supposed to be no cameras in the theatre....u know black folks don't listen(lol).

The day was perfect, I couldn't have asked for better weather, better food or better people to participate. Another perfect day in New York City, can't wait to go back.

"Sometimes, Chilling is what the body needs"

Yesterday, I returned to work from a very long holiday weekend. I was in class for 2 days last week and the remainder of the time, I was off. I must say that the long weekend was just what I needed. My man and I had planned to do a variety of things, which included going out of town but that never happened. We had been discussing just getting away for the last month or more, but once the weekend got here, we end up just chilling the whole weekend-except for Monday). The both of us are on our grind right now so any free time we can get is always welcomed.
Friday-Sunday was just TV, eating, sleeping....we did a few things around the house but overall, just chilling. I started getting crazy by Sunday evening and I was getting cabin fever so...Monday, we decided to get out and do something. That day started with a trip to Wiconsin Avenue(Gucci, Jimmy Choo, Ralph Lauren, Banana Republic....) and then we went to Georgetown(I'm so bored with this place right now) and then to Alexandria, VA(reminds me alot of downtown Annapolis). We had dinner at the Chart House and just did the boyfriend/girlfriend thing-lol. The evening ws summed up with a trip to Cold Stone Creamery and bed. I was
T-I-R-E-D.
Tuesday was another chill day. Just some cleaning up and chilling. I realized that I hadn't gone to not one cookout or for that matter, I didn't even have one so, I decided to put some food ont he grill on Tuesday.
I returned to work yesterday with a pile of work on my desk. I sat and thought about how I was appreciative of the chill time I had over the weekend because I was well rested. Everyone returned to work with all the stories of what they did over the holiday. All I could really say was, I chilled...but that's ok with me, because I realize now that I really needed it.

"Another Reason to Smile"

Anyone who knows me know that smiling to me is ne of the greatest gifts. Smiling makes me feel good and a laugh behind that smile is always a plus. SO I say that to say, I'm always finding reasons to smile about something, its so important.
Last weekend, the girls and I gathered together at my house for some food, laughs & most of all, just playing "catch up." Its always good to be with them girls because its never a dull moment. We've been trying to get together for awhile now but with everyone so busy with kids, school, work, relationships, etc....we just haven't been able to come together. Although all of us weren't there, we had a grand time. The menu wasn't planned, everyone just bought some drinks, chips...and me & Tarita prepared the food. I must admit, my girl Tarita came through with the infamous beans and her macaroni salad(requested by Tiny) and I hooked up my famous turkey burgers and put some hotdogs & sausage on the grill. Nothing fancy, just something to put on our stomachs. Of course the fellas couldn't resist being in the building for a minute, but they immediately exited to the basment to watch the game. I was informed that our laughs & screams could be heard overtop of the surround sound...but so what, that's what we do.
Our entertainment for the evening was our good friend & #1fan "Leephis" he loves the girls...he always wants to be in our company. The conversation went from relationships, sex, celebrities, TV shows(Run's House)....but as always, he dominated the conversations and got on everyone's nerves. We love him.
The rain stopped us from chilling on the deck so the kitchen was the place to be. We laughed so much....I don't know what I would do without these girls(even the ones that were absent). Its always so refreshing to be in their company. We just put our cares aside and we open up and just do us. That's what friendship is all about.
Our plan is to try and get together at least once a month for a girls night out or in. I think we all need that, I know I do. Getting together with them is always an extra boost in my life...these girls are like my second family(yes, I'm being mushy). But it is what it is....the sistahood is what makes all of our lives so complete. We all are maturing, growing spirtually, financially...just making moves in all areas. I know that if we all didn't have the support of one another, this journey of life wouldn't be so easy.
So...I say to my girls....thanks for that impromptu get-together....I have one more reason to continue smiling.

Marriage???? Wedding???? Is it for Everybody????

A few weekends ago (April 28), one of my girlfriends got married. Smiley and I have been friends for about 15 years and I was honored to be her maid of honor. Out of all her friends and her 2 sisters, she asked me to be her right hand chick for the day and I was honored. Now, anyone who knows my girl Smiley aka Smoot knows her personality...and how we became & remained friends all these years(15+) is a mystery but that's what's so unique about us. Anyway..when my girl Smoot announced that she was getting married, I had 30 days to not only get myself together, but I had to assist her with getting this affair together. My question to her first was, "what's the rush" and my second question was, "are you sure you're ready" when she answered, I knew she was ready to make the transition from "single to...as Ms. Celie put it, I's married now."

Needless to say, we managed to get her dress, shoes, alterations, etc...in 4 hours. Smiley knows I love her to death because on my day off, I sat the whole day aside just for her...and everyone knows how I feel about sharing my time on my RDO. Next, it was a number of small things that had to take place to ensure that her wedding day was perfect, and I must agree, it was. I watched as my girl & her finace put a beautiful affair together on a small budget and little time. And I must admit, it was one of the best weddings I've been to. So...now it leads me to believe that some weddings are really overated and they're for show. I know of people who paid thousands of dollars for weddings and are in debt the day after. Not that I have a problem with huge weddings because if you can afford it, than go for it. But I realized that a wedding is not about who's in it, how many people you invite, the menu, the venue....if two people truly love one another and want to be joined in holy matrimony, it really doesn't matter the formalities involved, all that matters is that they become one.

During the ceremony, the preacher that officated the wedding was truly a blessing. I've never experienced a wedding put together the way he did. Not only was I blessed by what he shared but I was schooled. The man broke down the institution of marriage in God's eyes and related it to the way the world sees it. He broke down the roles of the wife and the husband and it was awesome. Everyone at the wedding couldn't stop talking about how much they were inspired.

So, what I took from my girl Smoots wedding was, when 2 people are ready to become one, it doesn't matter who, what, when or where....they need to make it happen. If you don't have the support from the people you thought would be there, rest assure that God will direct you to that person who will be right by your side(I was so honored Smoot). Seek counseling prior to the marriage because it will help you get a clearer picture of what God expects. Don't get caught up in the pressure of "people pleasing" have the wedding that you want & can afford. And most of all.....get your marriage license in enough time for the ink to dry before the ceremony(inside joke....Smoot & David, I love u guys).

That Infamous "F" Word...what does it really mean?

Throughout my life, I've had to ponder over the word friendship and what does it really mean. I consider myself a good friend...not the best all the time but overall, I think I'm a great friend. I realize that in order to gain good friends, you have to be one yourself and that's something I work on daily. I know that true friendships will experience good & bad times but if its true indeed, it will stand the test of time.
Every now and then, I'm brought to question friendships, both old & new. I have a circle of friends who are like a second family to me. Some of them I've known almost all my life and some that I've just become friends with in the last 5 years of my life. But no matter the duration, when I say that someone is my friend, I mean it. Recently, I've been challenged with that "F" word once again and it has lead me to question, what is friendship?
According to Wikipedia, friendship is, "a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behaviour between two or more humans; connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. It also states, "their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:the tendency to desire what is best for the other; sympathy and empathy; honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth and mutual understanding.
From the definition, I clearly understand what the "F" word is and I do believe that my friends and I share in all of these things. But a recent experience with a friend has lead me to once again question the "F" word. So I ask, what do I do now? Do I confront this person about what I'm feeling; do I act as if she doesn't exist anymore; do I smile in her face as if nothing has happened...I don't know what to do cause once again, this person has lead me to question the "F" word once again. My question to myself is...what lengths am I willing to go to salvage a friendship and for that matter, is it really worth it? So that infamous "F" word, once again has resurfaced in my mind...an unfortunate experience with a person who I consider a good friend has caused me to question the meaning. So, to all my friends who truly love me, has my back through thick & thin(even when I'm difficult to deal with), celebrates all my acccomplishments & listens & crys with me through all my adversity, who uplifts me when I'm down, who doesn't envy me, who checks on me when I'm sick, who will fight my battles if anyone comes against me, who will put someone in their place if they speak a bad word about me, who prays for me & my family....thanks for showing me what the "F" word really means. I LOVE U GUYS!!!! For anyone who's reading this & smiling, then you know the true meaning of the "F" word...don't ever be the reason for someone who calls you a friend to question the true meaning of friendship...your actions should prove to them that no matter what...you know & understand the true meaning of the "F" word.

"Taking One Day At a Time"

Oh my goodness, where has the time gone. It just seems like yesterday when I brought in the year 2007 and we're already into February(shortest month of the year). I'm dealing with the question, "What do I do next?" Lately I've been consumed in my thoughts as it pertains to my life. I have so many things that I want to do but I don't know where to start. I constantly question myself as to what's most important but I can't seem to figure it out. I would like to go back to school but, do I really need too is the question? I would like to buy a new house but, is that really necessary at this time? I would like to start a family but, is this the right time? I want a new job but, should I stay put until I figure out what I really want to do? I want to start my own business but, which business do I chose to invest my time? I want to write a book but, which subject matter should I start with? I want to move out of the state but, is this something I will regret later? So many "what if's" and as the days pass, it seems like I'm running out of time. I've been so worn down the past few weeks and I keep asking myself am I stressed, overwhelmed, or am I just too deep in my thoughts(like I always am)? So today I've decided to just write everything down and sort out which direction I plan to take. It always seems like time is getting away from me, so as soon as I learn to take one day at a time and deal with each issue at one time, I think I'll be able to figure out what I want to do. Being the over-achiever that I am, I wear my own self out at times. This is one of those times where I'm sick of myself(lol). I see other people just coasting through life and they seem to be content with their life and I wonder, why am I never satisfied? My mom told me as a child I would always run and I stayed busy. My friends today tell me that I'm a busy-body so I guess that will never change. A good friend of mine told me not to look at my situation in a negative way but look at it as a positive thing. My indecisiveness over the years has allowed me to make very good decisions with my life. I think that most of my goals I've set for myself, I've already accomplished those so now its time to keep moving. So, all of those things that I question, I know I'm going to accomplish them all but my plan is to take take one day at a time...yep, that's what I'll do.

"What is Happening to the Black Families?"


Man, this has been a trying couple of months, and just when you think that you can turn to family, u can't. I've heard people say over & over about how family members can sometimes be your worst enemies but, I never thought that I would be able to say "amen" to that but, I'm saying, "Amen, Amen & Amen."
Not only am I dealing with my own personal issues with some of my family members but it seems that everyone around me are having major issues & drama with family members as well. As I talked to an older woman about some of the issues I'm experiencing with my family, she began to share some stories about her family and she summed it up by saying, "I believe that alot of black families are just dysfunctional." WOW-dysfunctional...I would have never thought to use that word to describe my family but...she might be on to something. This year I realized just how important family is and I've come to the realization that family doesn't necessarily mean "the entire family" it could be just your immediate family; mother & father; sisters & brothers, etc...family doesn't have to mean the entire realm of aunts, uncles, distant cousins, etc. I had a family member tell me one day that I treat some of my friends better than my own family members. It kinda hurt my feelings but I thought about it, she was absolutely correct. But, some of my friends are closer to me than some of my family members. I can count on them before I can count on certain family members; they have my back without me worrying abou them trying to assasinate my character so, she was absolutely right. So, I'm left thinking about "what is happening to the black family," what happened to the days when no matter how crazy the world got, u could always count on family. Now it seems that families are breakingup at an alarming rate. BAckstabbing one another, disrespecting one another, not speaking, but as soon as someone dies, than family is left to be there for one another (even if only for a moment). I'm not a phony person and I have a hard time being fake when in actuality, I'm not feeling someone,or I'm just not happy. As this year is closing, I'm beginning to think how I want to start the new year(as far as family is concerned). DO I want to address the issues with family who I really want to disown or do I want to be the bigger person and try to rectify the problems? Then I think, what do I do with those family members who aren't where I am, who wants to continue to keep the drama going, how do I handle them? As the days pass, and more people are telling me about the issues they're experiencing in their family, I always have something to add to it, a new story to tell...some daily/weekly drama that has developed on the home front. But, I believe that this too shall pass & the sun will begin to shine on not only my family, but everyone else's who's experiencing drama in the black family. As my best friend Daryl said, "I must be doing something right, cause the devil is truly busy trying to bring my spirts down" but he can't win, not if I have anything to do with it.