I spoke with a new friend yesterday who broke down "forgiving & forgetting" and I truly do appreciate him taking the time to do so. He explained to me that trying to forget something is harder than forgiving the person. Because the mind is not equipped to dump something that has caused hurt therefore forgetting something is almost impossible. It also has alot to do with the extent of hurt that was caused and the the reason behind it. So for example, if someone hurts me and it was something that I could get over....I will always remember what was done, but I could move on from the situation BUT, if something caused me extreme hurt and especially if it was done repeatedly, forgetting would be almost impossible. And even though I may have forgiven the person for what they've done, every once & a while, the mind will allow that particular incident(s) to resurface. So, the answer I've been looking for is...I can forgive...but the chances of me forgetting is almost impossible.

So, its all left up to me...to start the process of filtering out the bad stuff to bring back the good. I don't think I've allowed it to consume me in my everyday life, but I know there are times when I go off to this place(in my mind) and I start to think about some things I've experienced and I begin to get frustrated.

One of my best friends asked me was I angry and I know for a fact that I'm not angry. So as we started to sort out the particulars of this situation, I've come to the conclusion that I'm just disappointed. Disappointed that things didn't work out the way I thought they should; that I'm left to start all over again because the person I trusted betrayed me; that I have to be on pause because I don't want to cause damage in someone else's life; that I have baggage; that I can't express myself because I feel like I'm talking in circles...

So I'm happy that I'm beginning to heal and find the answers to the many questions that I was having a hard time figuring out. Every day is a step closer to tranquility.