Mixed Emotions

For the last few days my emotions have been up, down, left, right....all mixed up. I wonder sometimes if being confused is good? It kinda gives you a chance to appreciate & evaluate the good & bad. So, I'm just remaining still because I try not to make decisions based on my emotions, but what's best for me and what feels good. So right now, going with the flow is working for me.

I sometimes wish I could get in that head of his and maybe I could be able to understand why he does what he do. He realizes that things have changed but his actions are acting as if things have not. I know he loves me and being a family is what he wants but I also realize that he's not mature enough to realize that having your family requires constant work. Not just this week or next week...its an everyday job. Things aren't going to always be fun(as he puts it) or a bed of roses. We passed that stage sometime ago and once babygirl came, we don't have alot of time to "have fun" just the 2 of us anymore, but now we have a responsibility that will be with us forever.

I love being a mommy...the responsibility of it all hasn't overwhelmed me but it has definately changed me. I hear from woman all the time that once they have a baby, things change...especially your relationship. I would say that it has made the relationship stronger but at the same time, it has brought out alot of issues that we've had to confront. I want my family and I'm willing to fight for it but I need him to step up as well. Money, Gucci bags, jewelry...all those wonderful tangible things that he loves to shower me with is not what I want (or need)...I need him to stand up for me...stand up for his family and say, I'm going to fight until I die because my 2 girls deserve the best...they deserve to have the best man to protect, love & take care of them...that's what I need. Until then...my feelings will be mixed until I'm strong enough to make a firm decision.